The Crimson Fox Fu- you know who
by StrykerKitsune
Summary: What if there was more to Naruto's heritage than we thought. What if Kushina is actually the Kyuubi's daughter? What if her father was none other than the crimson vampire The result? Just priceless humor. Featuring Abridged Alucard. Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a crossover fanfic of Naruto/Hellsing Abridged. The synopsis is that Alucard is Kushina's father, Kyubi is her mother who is named Kyushana, and you pretty much can tell who the grandson is. Main pairing is NaruHina. Why? Cause I like that pairing. There might be a chance of an Naru/Harem and if there is one, it would probably be a short one, possibly three members, which consists of Naruto, Hinata, and the third one. So anyways...**

_**The following is a fan base parody. Hellsing ultimate (even though it's just Alucard) is own by whoever owns it while Naruto is own by whoever owns it and licensed by a shit ton of people. Please **__**support the unofficial release, you cheeky dick waffle temes!**_

* * *

It was a dark night in the clearing. It was quiet, serine, and absolutely peaceful. There was not a being in sight. The wind is whistling, the river is streaming, and there's a giant nine tail fox destroying Konoha with the power of a thousand menstrual cycles. Yup, absolutely peaceful.

"PUSH IT FURTHER!" ordered Minato, watching as a wave of shinobi used a variety of jutsus to keep the fox from advancing.

"Minato!" yelled a voice. The blonde kage turned and saw Sarutobi and Jiraiya appearing next to him. It was Sarutobi who spoke, "You need to hurry! Kushina just gave birth but she doesn't look like she can make it."

"Damn," cursed Minato, "if only Tsunade were here. And my child?"

"Healthy," answered Jiraiya. "Are you sure you want to do this? I would gladly take your place for the Justu."

"No sensei, I have to do this. It is my job as the Hokage. I just hope that this will work."

"We should hurry up," said Sarutobi. "Something tells me this won't go as planned."

* * *

Damn straight this won't go as planned! Why? Well, if you count a tall, pale man walking toward the near destroyed village who was wearing a red victorian outfit with vintage sunglasses while having a shit eating grin that says he is going to fuck things up, well...

...you would thought of that too. Especially if that man is the CRIMSON FUCKER himself!

"What a beautiful night," mused Alucard. He just went on one of his _enthusiastic _walks (leaving behind bodies of homicidal freaks and those who knows Micheal McDoesntexist) when he saw a giant fox destroying a village. "Shit...I'm missing the festivities!" Using his powers, which he got from absorbing Schroediger, long story, Alucard immediately appeared in a hospital room, where he saw Minato, Kushina, Jiraiya, Sarutobi, and the Kyubi, who was attempting to slash them.

Except Kushina and the baby she was holding, which shall be explained...now!

"Sup," greeted Alucard. Everything stopped as the group and even the Kyuubi turned to see the newcomer.

"Who are you?" asked Minato, kunai in hand in case the mysterious man was in league with Kyubi.

"Oh nothing, just passing by, here to see my wife and daughter." answered Alucard.

"Aaaaand, that would be...?"

"Honey!"

"Dad!"

The voices that were made shocked the group. Why? Because Kyubi was the one who said honey and Kushina was the one who said dad. A giant cloud surrounded Kyuubi and when it died down, the result had Jiraiya flying through the roof with a massive nose bleed. Replacing the fox was a woman who had long red hair that flows to her hips and very sizable cleavage that is TWICE the size of Tsunade's. She had on a red kimono that hugs her body. She had fox ears and nine tails swaying behind her. The woman glomped on Alucard and gave him a kiss. "Alucard! I missed you!" Said fox eeped when the vampire groped her ass.

"Same to you," he replied. Kushina then jumped out of her bed, shocking Minato and Sarutobi since they could've sworned she was sickly just moments ago.

"Hello, daddy," said Kushina, hugging her vampire father, causing her husband and predecessor to hung their jaws.

"Hello my little devil spawn. Where's your little devil spawn? Grandpa Alucard brought gifts," said Alucard. Kushina smiled as she held her newborn son. Alucard took a good look and laughed. "I could already tell he is going to be the next fuck mothering vampire."

"Hold on a freak in minute!" shouted Minato. "What the hell is going on?!"

"Welllllll.." cheekily said Kushina.

"On second thought, let's settle this as civilized people."

* * *

"KILL THE DEMON SPAWNS!"

Well, that escalated quickly.

Minato summoned a council meeting with the clan heads and civilians heads, as well as the elders. When they all enter the council room, first thing they notice was Kyubi and Alucard. This got some confusion about the two until Minato told who they were, and also Kushina's and Naruto's heritage. Needless to say, this got an upstart.

"So you're telling us," said Shikaku, "that your wife, Uzumaki Kushina, is the daughter of the Kyuubi no Yoko, the nine tail fox, who happens to be a woman, and this man, Alucard, the self proclaimed Crimson Fucker, and a vampire, which makes her half demon fox and half vampire. This includes to your son as well."

"Pretty much," said Minato.

"Then we should have them executed! Monsters like them don't belong with humans!" yelled a pompous fat councilman.

"I'm sorry, but I'm a fuck-mothering vampire! I killed a lot of people to get that title and I preferred to be called as such," corrected Alucard. The council sweat dropped at his statement.

"Well, can you tell us how Kushina was born, given the fact that you two are, well, old?" asked Inoichi.

"Well, all I did was banging the fox's sweet ass until Kushina was conceived," flatly said Alucard.

"Dad!" yelled Kushina who blushed from embarrassment while Kyuubi blushed remembering how Alucard bedded her.

"No, I think what Inoichi means is how Kushina doesn't appeared as a fox, or how we never seen you two, and how Kyuubi was sealed in her own daughter," spoke Hiashi.

"Right, enough focusing about the past, instead lets focus on the past." Aucard turned to the entire crowd as some kind of music played in the background. "After the war where I came from, and also absorbing the boy/girl thing which allows me to will ANYTHING I want and ditching my bitch of a boss, I traveled to Japan to buy every single porn they got, where I met the sweetest ass and tits my eyes layed upon. Without thinking over my actions, like every decision I made, I slapped that ass and ask the woman to fuck me. Next thing I knew, her eight siblings ripped me apart." The council paled when they realize that the woman was Kyuubi and her eight siblings were the other tail beasts. "Shocking thing is that she said yes. We had a healthy relationship for a decade until Kushina was born. It would have been an awesome family if it wasn't for the fact that Kushana, who is actually Kyuubi's real name, pulled some kind of Deus Machina and travelled back in time and gotten herself sealed inside Mito, who later sealed her into Kushina, ironically. We secretly raised her into the woman she is today." he explained, wiping a fake tear from his face.

"O-kay, but why doesn't she look like a fox?" asked Tsume.

"Oh, I forgot I have my henge on. Release!" said Kushina, and next thing anybody knew, Kushina now has fox ears and nine tails. Of course, this cause an uproar with the civilians until Minato raised his KI, shutting them up.

"Kushi-hime," said Minato, "why didn't you tell me?"

"Minato-kun, I was made fun of because of my hair. Imagine if I were to go through that again, but in this form." explained Kushina.

"Oh."

"So in short, we have one unstoppable family," said Alucard.

"So it's settled," said Danzo who stood up. "We should have them trained as weapons and-"

"BwaHahahahaha!" Laughed Alucard. "I'm sorry, did you just said weapons?"

"Yes," answered Danzo. "You three will submit to us and-"

"Yeah, hell no that's happe-"

"You will obey and-!"

"INTERRUPT ME AGAIN, YOU ONE EYE LONER, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!" threaten Alucard. Danzo, even though he didn't want to, knew not to prevent the vampire, so he shutted up. "Now then, it's cleared what I am going to do."

"You do?" asked Sarutobi.

"Yup. LOOK OUT YOU FUCKERS CAUSE THE CRIMSON FUCKER'S HERE TO STAY!" shouted Alucard as he gave a laugh, scaring most of the coucil room.

"Like I ever work with a peasant like him," glared Fugaku.

"BITCH, I EAT PEOPLE!"

* * *

**And thus, this fic is born. This is just a crackfic, so some parts may not follow in cannon. Also, for some strange reason, I can't submit this in the crossover section because everytime I do, it keeps saying error, so until then, this stays in the Naruto section. Anyways, enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

(Seven years later)

It was a peaceful day in Konoha. The sun was shining, the birds are singing, and the Christ Redeemer (which Alucard got after getting fifty jackpots in Brazil and the country couldn't pay up) stood over the Hokage mountain, looking over the village.

"JESUS WANTS A HUG!" yelled a familiar voice.

Anyways, the scene then changes into the Namikaze estates, where we see Naruto peacefully sleeping on his bed. Standing over him was Alucard. "Aw, he's like a puppy," he mused. He then pulled his twin pistols and fired near the boy's ears, scaring the shit out of his grandson. The blonde hybrid jumped and landed on his ass.

"What the hell!?" shouted the boy.

"Come on kid, you're going to be late for school," said Alucard, who then phased to the floor. Naruto grumbled as he got up and walked to his closet. He pulled out an outfit that greatly resembles his grandfather's, except it is orange. After putting on the outfit, he grabbed his stuff and walked to the kitchen, where he saw his mother setting up breakfast while his grandmother read some files while Alucard was busy sipping some beer.

"Um, Alucard-jiji? Isn't it a little early to be drinking that stuff?" the blonde asked. Naruto, as before, was wearing an orange version of Alucard's suit. The difference is that Naruto now has fox ears and nine golden tails, something that came when he turned four. He also has red eyes, something he inherited from his mother's side.

"Hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere," said Alucard as he chugged his beer. Naruto rolled his eyes and faced his demonic grandmother. Kyushana wasn't like most women, weak and fragile. She just doesn't care about a lot of things. Which is probably the reason why she is sitting at the table in just her underwear... with no bra. Luckily, there was nobody from the outside, since the last thing Naruto needs is perverted men trying to seduce her even though she could be their multi great grandmother. He sat down and started eating.

"Hey mom, where's dad?" the blonde asked.

"Oh you know how he is, at the hokage tower, suffering from a lot of paperwork." stated Kushina. It was then that Alucard laughed. "Dad, what's so funny?"

"I'm reading the funnies," he stated, looking over the newspaper. Kyushana looked over and saw why he was laughing.

"He's reading about yesterday's meeting," she said, causing Kushina to sigh. Seven years may have passed, but the Civilian council were trying to put the entire family down. Luckily, they got plenty of friends to help them.

"Let me see," said Kushina, looking over the title of the story.

It said, _Civilian council once again disregard Naruto Uzumaki, Nobody cares._

"As I said, the funnies," said Alucard. Naruto finished eating his food and stood up.

"I finished eating so I'm off to pick up Hinata-chan! Bye !" he said before leaving.

"Bye, little Naru-chan," waved Kyushana, causing her daughter to giggle. Alucard merely smirked before shouting,

"Don't forget to fuck with the Uchiha's day!"

"I won't, dattebayo!" answered back Naruto. Alucard smiled as he continued reading the paper.

"I taught him so well."

* * *

Naruto was making his way toward the Hyuga compound, one of the major clans of Konoha. As he made his way, there were a lot of eyes upon. Normally, in any other fanfic, these eyes would all show glares of hatred. But here, only 5% are glaring. The rest are eyes of fear. They were once hatred, but that all changed when they decided to attack the boy.

The result was not what they expected.

They attacked with kunais, shruikens, and Justus, but the blonde hybrid didn't cried for help. Instead, Naruto giggled with every failed attempt used to killed. One ninja manage to struck an explosive tag onto Naruto, exploding him there...and there...and here...and somewhere over there. At first, the mob thought they managed to kill him, only for him to materialize out of thin air, laughed, and when one asked how the fuck the boy survived, he replies,

"Fuck you, that's how!"

Kushina explained that Alucard's immortality and Kyushana's life span makes him nearly unstoppable. Kyushana explained that because of Schroediger passed on, Naruto was never there to begin with. Alucard...

...he just took a walk near their houses. Think hard, it'll come to you.

Anyways, Naruto made it to the compound, where the guards let him entered without hesitation. Many years ago, an Kumo ambassador came for a treaty, but instead kidnapped Hinata in order for them to study the Byakugan. Hiashi killed the kidnapper, but that resulted in Kumo demanding the body of Hiashi as repercussion. The elders instead tried sending Hizashi to take his brother's place. This would result in tensions between the two houses, and Neji seeking vengeance against Hinata. It would have happened, except...

* * *

"You had one of my ambassador killed on your village. Unless you can show proof that he kidnapped your daughter, there's nothing I can do but demand the body of Hiashi Hyuga as payment," said the Raikage, A. In front of him was the Yondaime, Hiashi, and the council. They were attempting to fix the problem, but it seems this wont go into their favor. Minato sighed as he rubbed his temples.

"Guess there is nothing we can do about this," said Minato. "I'm sorry Hiashi, but-"

"Hey kids, wanna see a dead body!?" shouted Alucard as he phased through the wall. The council were already used to this, by A wasn't.

"HOLY SHIT!" yelled A as he felled from his seat. Alucard exited from the phase and looked at the leader of Kumo.

"Sup," he greeted him.

"The hell are you?!" demanded A.

"The Fuck-mothering vampire, and don't you forget it!" said Alucard. "Now normally I would just say, 'Fuck it!' and killed you on the spot, but that would mean death for Hiashi. Now you may have notice, blind man, my grandson has taking a liking to your daughter, and you know how happy she is. So if she ain't happy, Naruto ain't happy. And if Naruto ain't happy, I ain't happy. And if I ain't happy, Kyushana ain't happy during sexy game nights."

"I didn't need to know about what you do with my mother in law," waved Minato, looking a little green. Alucard grinned before turning toward A.

"Listen, pal, how about you dropped the case, go home and kill your civilian council, and have a good laugh about this."

"Like hell I'm doing that!" shouted A.

"I said," spoke Alucard, raising his index finger towards A's face, causing the Raikage to go into a trance. "You will drop the case."

"I," said A, in a zombie trance, "will drop the case."

"You will go home, and kill your council."

"I will go home and kill my council."

"You see that people?" asked Alucard to the court. "I can make him say whatever I want, watch. _White Chicks _was amazing."

"_White Chicks _was amazing," repeated A.

"And he believes it too!" cheekly said Alucard.

"Eugh," went the courtroom.

* * *

And that's how it happen.

"Hinata-chan!" shouted Naruto as he saw Hinata. The shy girl was wearing a lavender police outfit. Nobody of the Hyugas knows where it came from, but some say it was a gift from Alucard. It was nice, though there were concerns when Alucard mention somewhere in the lines of 'Big Titted police girl' for his grandson's eyes only. Perverted, but nobody has the balls to take this case to Alucard.

The Hyuga heiress saw Naruto and wave to her crush. "Hello, Naruto-kun!" she said. (That's right, no stuttering since that's a bitch to type). She walk toward Naruto and held out her hand, which the blonde grabbed with his.

"Ready to seize the day?" asked Naruto.

"You bet!" agreed Hinata. Naruto smiled as he performed a shunsun (courtesy of Kyushana) amd the two disappeared in a gust of demonic energy.

* * *

"Yamanaka Ino."

"Here."

"Nara Shikamaru."

"Zzzz.."

"Uchiha Sasuke."

"Hnn."

"Haruno Sakura.

"HERE!"

"Namikaze Naruto."

No response.

Iruka looked up from the class roster and saw that Naruto isn't here yet along with Hinata. Most of the class were pondering as well, except Sakura. Strangely, most people would have thought that Sasuke would be jeaous about Naruto' heritage and demand the boy to teach him. That was not the case. You see, Fugaku once told the little Uchiha that because they are Uchiha, everything goes in their way. Sasuke would have believed that except that he witness Alucard beat the shit out of his dad without even touching him. Then Kyushana beat him with a flick of one of her tails. This follow up by Kushina going all death blazing on him. And finally, it was his own mother who beat Fugaku. It was then that Sasuke came up with a conclusion...

...his dad sucks. Period.

Sakura, on the other hand, believed that Naruto's family were freaks and shouldn't even be standing, alive. You can pretty much guess who's going to be bashed in this fic.

A dark flash appeared and when it died down, there standing was Naruto and Hinata, in the flesh. "Yo, Iruka-sensei!"

"You're both late. Care to explain?" said Iruka.

"Anko is outside in a bikini demanding you to give her a massage," lied Naruto, though Iruka bought it without even thinking.

"Mizuki! Take over for me!" the chunnin said before running out the door.

"And once again, the demon/vampire tricks Iruka with false claims," said Mizuki, not even caring he just called Naruto a demon.

"Oh please, keep going. You're making me blush," smirked Naruto, causing the class to snickered. Mizuki blinked before facepalming.

_'I just call him a demon and he takes it as a compliment. Kami, if you exist, give me a sign that this is just a dream.'_

Sorry, but Kami ain't helping you.

* * *

"Fugaku, this may be the most stupidest plan you ever have," said Mikoto. In front of her was her husband and the rest of the Uchiha clan. The only other members who were not part of them was Sasuke, (who was in school), Itachi (who was secretly hiding to attack them), and Shinsui (who mysteriously died). Fugaku looked at his wife and glared.

"You obviously don't know the true might of the Uchiha clan." he said.

"I might, but this is suicidal. I can understand you want to take over Konoha, but by taking out Alucard first? That's just stupid." countered Mikoto.

"You just don't understand," Fugaku said before stabbing her in the heart with a sword. Expecting the woman to fall, he (along the rest) were surprised when Mikoto simply removed the sword as if it was nothing. "But, how?"

"Yeah, I forgot to tell you this, but five years before Kyushana attacked, I went to a party with Kushina. To make a long story short, we got drunk, she gave me a hickey that was infused with her chakra and demonic blood, causing me to be part vampire and demon. I didn't know this until much later." explained Mikoto. Fugaku just twitched his eyes before asking one last question.

"Anything else?" Mikoto let a smirk appeared on her face as she leaned forward and said.

"I faked all the orgasms." she said. Every male member gasped while the females snickered at Fugaku's cold hard relevation. Fugaku just twitched harder before turning around toward the Namikaze estates and said,

"If I pulled this off, I'm getting us divorced." And then, the clan left. Mikoto just stood there and waved.

"Yeah yeah, good for you."

* * *

Alucard was busy watching Adventure Time on Netflix with Kyushana on his 70 inch Plasma Screen TV which he got it replaced after the whole Luke Valentine thing. Said vampire smirked as his wife was curled up on his lap. "Life is good," he said.

"But you're dead," said Kyushana.

"And that's the irony," said the vampire. Suddenly, the wall in front of them exploded, revealing a lot of Uchiha members. Kyushana was pissed because they interrupt their alone time, while Alucard is pissed because this was the second time his TV got trashed. "That was a seventy-inch, plasma screen tv...so, how can I help you?"

Fugaku stepped forward and looked at the crimson fucker with an unreadable expression. "We meet again, you monsters."

"Suuuup."

"Hey."

"You know, I looked into the Konoha archives and found some interesting things about you, Alucard."

"Oh really?"

"The night walker... who glides through oceans of blood. Beyond human, a monster whose power radiates with a darkness that casts a shadow on darkness itself..." said Fugaku before Alucard cut him off.

"Oh you dirty bitch! Work the shaft!" he said. Kyushana giggled while the Uchihas were smackgobbed of the vampire's language.

"Excuse you?" asked Fugaku, confused.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I like to talk dirty when someone's _sucking my dick_!" Mocked Alucard.

"Do you have any idea who you're speaking to?!," yelled Fugaku. "I am the great Uchiha Fugaku!"

"And I'm Carmen SanDiego, guess where I am?" mused Alucard.

"Trying to have a serious conversation with you here."

"Oh, so are we," said Kyushana, "and we're failing, and we're sorry for that. It's just that we're so agitated because this monkey of a shit stain strolled into our room, destroyed our _seventy-inch plasma TV, _and is trying to impress my husband as if he were his alcoholic father."

Fugaku had enough and rushed toward Alucard, only for the vampire to pulled his way OP pistols on the Uchiha's head while Kyushana pulled out the _Harkonnen _(courtesy of Alucard as he always says, ''Bitches love Cannons!) and aimed it at the other Uchihas. "Be a good sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?." mocked Alucard.

* * *

Naruto was sitting in his usual spot at Ichirakus along with Hinata when Itachi appeared next to them. "Sup," greeted Naruto.

"Hello," said Itachi before turning toward Ayame who was pouring Naruto's fifteen bowl of ramen. "You. Me. Dinner."

"You. Me. Bed." replied Ayame. Naruto choked on his ramen while Hinata blushed at Ayame's bluntness.

"The hell did I just saw?!" questioned Naruto.

"What you just saw was my super Uchiha swagger," explained Itachi.

"Really?" Said Naruto as he turned to Hinata. "Hinata! You. Me. Date."

Hinata looked at him and smiled."You. Me. Already happening."

"Nice!" said Naruto. The sound of loud gunshots can be heard from the Namikaze clan. The four notice this and immediately knew what's going on. "Okay, two things could be happening right now. One, Alucard's taking a walk, or Two, someone destroyed his plasma TV."

"Sucks to be them," said Itachi.

* * *

Mikoto walked toward the Namikaze compound without a care in the world. She knows her husband is dead since it's pretty obvious it's going to be a one sided fight. This means that she is the new clan head. But she doesn't have time for that. First things first! She made it to the front door where she knocked on it. The door opened to reveal Minato. "Hey Minato, is Kushina here?"

"Yeah, she's here." replied the Yondaime. He let the matriarch in and led her to the living room, where Kushina was currently reading a book. Said red headed vampire/fox looked up and saw her friend.

"Mikoto what are you doing here?" she asked. Mikoto just looked straight into her eyes and replied,

"My husband's dead. You know what that means." Kushina smiled as she closed her book, grabbed Mikoto, and slammed the Uchiha's lips into hers, causing a heavy make out session. This got Minato off-guard since he never expected Kushina to play on both fields. The two mothers stopped their heated moment, and notice Minato with a stream of blood flowing from the nose. "Minato, I want to marry Kushina."

"NANI?! Why?!"

"Well, you see is that the hickey Kushina gave me years ago destroyed any genetic DNA of Fugaku when we tried to conceive a child. The hickey then replaces it with Kushina's, which technically makes her Itachi's and Sasuke's father."

"Don't I get a say in this?" asked Minato.

"No."

Meanwhile, two certain Uchihas felt a cold on their spines when they realize something life changing will happen to them.


	3. Chapter 3

(Another seven years later)

Naruto woked up feeling fresh. Today's the day he along with his girlfriend Hinata and half-brother Sasuke (which he, Sasuke, and Itachi found out after seeing their mothers making out while Minato was passed out years ago) will graduate from the academy. His two favorite teachers has taking a liking to him, and by that, I mean Iruka saw him as a little brother and Mizuki gaved up on demeaning Naruto's family seeing that it's pointless. Anyways, the blonde got up, got dressed, and got out of his room to find Sasuke's. Mikoto, Itachi, and Sasuke moved in after Mikoto married Kushina, which gave Jiraiya a shit ton of ideas on his books, much to Minato's dismay of his sensei's antics.

Naruto made it to Sasuke's room and knocked on the door. "Oi, monkey boy! Time to get up!" There was some shuffling and the door opened to reveal Sasuke. Sasuke had on his usual Uchiha outfit, except this time it is brown instead of dark blue.

"Do you really have to call me that?" he asked, agitated.

"You rather be called duck boy?" smirked Naruto.

"Monkey boy it is," quickly said Sasuke as the two half brothers went to the kitchen, where they saw Kyushana making breakfast. "Kyu-baachan, where is everyone?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. Naruto's dad at the hokage tower, your mom and my daughter fooling around, and Alucard on his daily walks slaughtering some of the civilians who still hates us. Breakfast?"

"Yes, please," said the two as they grabbed their dish and started eating. Some time passed before the two finished eating. Before they left, Kyushana stopped them.

"Hold on you two, I have something special for you," she said.

"Was is it?" asked Naruto. Kyushana let out a smirked as she went into the next room and came back with three cases.

_'I'm going to receive grandmother of the year after this,' _she thought. She handed a case to Naruto and one to Sasuke. "Here you go boys."

Naruto opened his gift and pulled out two pistols. One had a silver finish while the other had a black finish. They were both heavy and big. Sasuke opened his and pulled out a big rifle that had a brown finish. "Aren't these guns that Alucard-jiji carries?" asked Sasuke.

"Close, but no. They're custom made for you two. They have chakra receptors which allows you to channel your chakra to fuel it. Naruto, yours is on the pistol grip and Sasuke's on the box magizine. But they can burn out after constant used so you need to replace them every once in a while. There should be a scroll in there filled with mag replacements."

"Thanks!" thanked the two boys.

"Now run along and as your grandfather would say, 'take a walk.' Oh and give this to Hinata," said Kyushana, handing the box to Naruto. Naruto and Sasuke nodded and left the room, heading towards the Hyuga compound. Kyushana sighed. "If Naruto's like his mother, shit is going to happen. Speaking of which, where is she?"

(Meanwhile)

Minato and Mikoto can only stare at Kushina who was sprawl on the floor with a lot of ramen cups surrounding her while sleeping at the same time. Behind them were a bunch a chunnins and jounins looking terrified right now. Mikoto turned to them and spoke, "Who's idea was it to give her this much ramen?" Many of the petrified ninjas randomly pointed at each other. Minato and Mikoto looked at each other and nodded. Minato snapped his fingers and suddenly, the windows were smashed in, revealing a man in tight green spandex and his mini-me.

"Maito Gai, these people need help with their _Flames of Youth._" said Minato before he grabbed Kushina and dashed out the room with Mikoto. Screams of terror can be heard from the tower as well as shouts of youth and a giant sunset genjutsu that appeared over it.

(Back to the story...)

Naruto and Sasuke made it to the Hyuga compound, where they saw Hinata in her usual police outfit. (Think Sera's but lavender colored.) "Hey Hinata-chan!" called out Naruto. Hinata saw the two and waved at them.

"Naruto-kun! Sasuke-san!" she greeted as she walked toward them. She notice the pistols on Naruto's sides and the rifle on Sasuke's back. "Did your grandfather gave you those weapons?"

"No, it was Kyushana-baachan. By the way, this is for you," corrected Naruto as he handed the case he was holding to Hinata. Hinata grabbed it and opened it. Inside the case was a huge, and by huge, I mean a fucking huge ass rifle! Hinata gasped when she realized what the weapon was.

"Naruto-kun! Isn't this the _Harkonnen, _your grandmother's rifle?" she asked.

"Technically, it didn't belong to her but from Alucard-jiji's fledgling. He has it because he thought the other vampire wouldn't notice. So now it's yours," explained Naruto. Hinata smiled as she picked up the rifle, surprised of the lightness despite it's appearance. She notice a box inside the case and a note. She picked up the note and read what it said.

_Dear Hinata,_

_You're probably wondering why I'm giving you the Harkonnen. The truth is that I got tire of it, so here you go. There should be an ammo case filled with an abundance of 30mm shells. They're already powerful, but if you add your own chakra into them, it'll make them more powerful, or as my husband would say, 'Overkill and I know it!' Have fun!_

_-Kyushana_

_P.S. I want great-grandchildren, so do not hesitate to jump on Naruto!_

Hinata blushed at the sidenote by Kyushana. Sasuke snickered when he read the note while Naruto merely grumbled about demon grandmothers. After talking for a while, Naruto teleported them all in a demonic swirl and appeared in the academy, just in time for Iruka to call out Naruto's name.

* * *

The three were all smiling in the yard of the school after receiving their headbands. "Thank kami we all pass!" said Sasuke, Naruto and Hinata nodding in agreement.

"That reminds me, Naruto, how did you pass? One of the parts was the clones test and last I remember, you couldn't do the normal jutsu." asked Hinata. She noticed that Naruto gave her a fanged smile.

"Don't worry, my little tenshi," said Naruto, causing Sasuke to snort due to the irony of the meaning. "I found an alternate way."

* * *

(Flashback)

"See this scroll, Iruka-sensei? This here is an little poster of Anko posing _ a la mode _courtesy of Kyushana-baachan which I have no idea how she manage to do it. Mizuki-sensei, on my other hand is a scroll that had a picture of an demon girl who seems to take interest in you. Pass me and their yours." offered Naruto. He could have just use the **Kage Bushin no Jutsu**, but that was too easy to use, so he decided to pull a page out of his grandfather's book and bribed his teachers. While Iruka would no doubt accept it, Mizuki was contemplating on this. If he were to accept this, it would make him a hypocrite because he always said that demons shouldn't be trusted.

But on the other hand, he heard theories about how demonic women are considered the sexiest beasts in all of the world. Kyushana is proof of that, and she's a grandmother! That, and the fact that they don't dress much, usually in a half-robe skirt and some clothing covering the upper region. So without further do, he accepted, hoping on one thing...

...he hoped that the woman doesn't have a older protective brother.

* * *

"Does it have to do with the fact that Iruka was giggling at a scroll and Mizuki looking like he's preparing a date?" asked Hinata.

"Maybe," cheekily said Naruto.

(The next day)

The classroom was filled with excited students, all wondering who was going to be on who's team. Iruka looked over his classroom and cleared his throat, gaining their attention. "Alright everyone, listen up as I called out the names for your teams."

"Iruka-sensei, what happen to Mizuki-sensei?" Asked a random student.

"Well," explained Iruka, "he's getting ready for a date."

"Seriously?"

"Ask Naruto. The girl is from his grandmother's realm," said Iruka, before clearing his throat and picking up a piece of paper that had all the team placement. "Okay, I will now be calling out the names for the teams so listen up."

Teams 1-6 are pointless, so let's move on to 7.

"Team seven will be Sasuke Uchiha-Uzumaki..." Sasuke said nothing but mentally pleaded to the almighty kami in the sky that none of his fangirls will be placed with him, especially Sakura. "Naruto Namikaze-Uzumaki..." Naruto smirked as he and Sasuke fist-bumped. "and Hinata Hyuga." Hinata silently cheered as she gets to be with her boyfriend.

Some of the students, namely Sakura, didn't like about this. "WHAT!? WHY IS THE DEMON VAMPIRE AND HIS WHORE WITH MY SASUKE_KUN!?" yelled Sakura.

"The Hokage chose them. Also, as I recalled, isn't Sasuke part vampire/fox due to his mother and Naruto's mother years ago?" said Iruka.

"SLANDER!"

"Don't care. Anyways, Team 8 is Kiba Inuzuka, Shino Aburame, and Sakura Haruno."

"DOG BREATH AND BUG FREAK?!"

_Slap!_

Silence covered the room as Shino, yes SHINO, bitch-slapped Sakura on her face, knocking her out cold. He noticed that the entire attention is on him. "What? She was killing my bugs with her voice." he said. He was then given applause by the entire class.

"Good job," said Iruka before continuing. "Team 9 is still active, so we'll move to team 10. That includes Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Naru, and Choji Akamichi." After some time, some jounins came into the room to pick up their team. Kurenai came to pick up team 8, but saw that Sakura is unconscious.

"Um, should I be concerned about her?" she asked.

"It's an Haruno," answered both Kiba and Shino. Kurenai nodded, remembering that Haruno's are cannon fodder, so she picked up Sakura and told her team to follow her out the building. Some time passed before Asuma came and picked up team 10. One by one, each team were picked up by a jounin sensei, all the way until only Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata are left.

"So bored," said Naruto.

"You're telling me," agreed Sasuke.

"zzzzz," snored Hinata, drool forming from her mouth. Naruto and Sasuke both sweatdrop at the Hyuga. They were surprise that someone like Hinata could actually fall asleep at a time like this.

"Sooooo," said Naruto, earning Sasuke's attention. "You up for some lunch?"

"I could go for some onigiri," said Sasuke. "If only my mom could make tomato onigiri, then I will be set for life."

"What's with you and tomatoes?"

"What's with you and ramen and Hinata with cinnamon buns?"

"Touche, my half brother, touche."

(3 hours later)

Kakashi entered the classroom and saw that only Hinata is there, snoring without a care in the world. _'Where are the other two?',_ he thought before clearing his throat, which woke up Hinata. "Yo, where are the other two?"

"Knowing them, probably at home," answered Hinata. Kakashi nodded before speaking.

"Meet me at the roof in five minutes, I'll get the other two." Kakashi disappeared in a swirl of leaves, while Hinata grabbed her rifle and shunshin to the roof.

(Five minutes)

Hinata waited for a while before Kakashi showed up with Naruto and Sasuke. "Sorry I'm late, but there was a black cat on the way and-"

"Bullshit," said Hinata. Kakashi's eye widen that the Hyuga heiress could say such language.

"But it's the truth," pleaded the one eye jounin.

"Um." was all Hinata said before pointing to her eyes. Kakashi mentally facepalmed, remembering that the Byakugan could see far away.

"Right, so let's introduced ourselves. My name is Kakashi Hatake. I have some likes and some dislikes. My dreams are too mature for your virgin ears."

"Too mature?" mused Sasuke. "Kakashi-sensei, have you forgotten who me and Naruto's grandfather is?"

Once again, Kakashi mentally facepalmed. "Right. You first blondie."

"Name's Naruto Namikaze-Uzumaki. My likes are my family, both mine and Sasuke's, ramen, Alucard-jiji, Kyushana-baachan, old man Sarutobi, the Ichirakus, and Hinata-tenshi. My dislikes are the civilian council, Sakura-teme, Danzo-teme, those Root butt buddies of his. YES I'M REFERRING TO YOU, GET LOST!," said Naruto, shouting the last part to a tree below them. There was some movement and the Root anbu that was there got away. "My dream is the be the most baddass ninja there is and have Hinata as my wife, or mate. Whatever my mom calls it." Kakashi's and Sasuke's eyebrows rose in interest while Hinata was turning a lovely shade of red. Sasuke then spoke.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha-Uzumaki. My likes are my family, tomatoes, and other stuff. My dislikes are fangirls, especially Sakura. My dreams, no my ambition is to find a tomato based Onigiri." Naruto snickered at this, causing Sasuke to glare at him. "What, a boy can dream."

Hinata finally spoke. "My name is Hinata Hyuga. My likes is Naruto-kun, cinnamon buns, my cousin Neji, my sister Hanabi, my father, uncle Hizashi, and my mother. My dislikes is Sakura. My dream is to become the next head of the Hyuga clan and marry Naruto."

"Some decent goals," said Kakashi, nodding to their goals. "Alright, as you know, we are not officially a genin team. In order to become a genin team, you must passed my test. But be warned, my test has and 66% chance of failing. Also, I recommend not to eat tomorrow morning. Ciao!" And with that, Kakashi disappeared.

"Sooo," said Hinata, earning both Sasuke's and Naruto's attention. "Wanna screw the rules and eat some breakfast tomorrow?"

"Eh. why not?" said Naruto as the trio left to get ready for the next day.

* * *

(Omake: Mizuki's date)

To be scared was an understatement for one Mizuki...uh...Mizuki. According to Naruto, his date should arrive any moment in front of the restaurant he was at. The silver hair chunnin was wearing a simple button shirt and jeans. In his hands was a bundle of roses. '_She should be here any moment now,' _he thought.

"Um, Mizuki?" said a female voice. Mizuki turned, expecting to see his date, but what he saw shocked him. His date was a pale skin girl with white hair. She has white fox ears and a white fox tail. She has a very curvacious body, with a bust size of probably an F-cup. The girl was wearing a white kimono that hugged her body, showing off her curves. Now normally Mizuki would thank the almighty log for his hot date except for one little thing...

...his date is as tall as his stomach. Meaning...

_'Holy shit, a Loli!' _shouted Mizuki in his mind. The fox girl looked up at him and gave a smile.

"Hello, my name is Yuki, the snow fox, and before you ask, yes, I am older than I look."

Mizuki managed to get his act together and acted professional. "Hello to you too. My name is Mizuki, just Mizuki. I don't have a last name, for I was orphan for as long as I remembered."

"Sorry I was late, but I had to let my brother know where I was heading." said Yuki.

"Really?" mused Mizuki.

"Yeah, in fact he's right behind me." Mizuki looked behind Yuki and turned pale white, even whiter than Orochimaru. For standing in front of him stood a man who had the same physical traits as his sister, meaning white fox ears and tail. He was wearing armor that looks similar to the Shodiame's, except it is white. On his back was an saw-like sword (1), coated in blood. The only major difference was that while Yuki was at most 4'11", this guy was at an alarming 6'6", significantly making anyone a dwarf. "Mizuki, meet my younger brother, Koga. He doens't talk much."

_'YOUNGER?!'_ shouted Mizuki in his mind as he saw freak of a giant gazing at him with an inexpressive look. Judging by how dangerous that sword of his looks like, he is pretty much fucked.

"Let's go in, Mizuki-kun!" shouted Yuki as she entered the restaurant, leaving behind Mizuki and Koga. Mizuki sweated at an alarming rate, seeing that he is alone with this guy.

"Um, nice weather?" he said. Koga looked at him an replied in a damn scary as hell voice.

"If you make her cry, no medical jutsu in the world will be able to fix you after I'm done." threatened Koga before walking away. Mizuki gulped before turning around and entering the restaurant, with one thought is his mind.

_'This date better be worth it.'_

* * *

**(1)Arlong's sword from One Piece, the Kiribachi.**


	4. Chapter 4

_BOOM!BOOM!__BOOM!BOOM!__BOOM!BOOM!__BOOM!BOOM!_

_BANG!BANG!BANG!__BANG!BANG!BANG!__BANG!BANG!BANG!__BANG!BANG!BANG!__BANG!BANG!BANG!__BANG!BANG!BANG!_

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_

These were the sounds of the weapons being fired by one Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Namikaze, and Hinata Hyuga. They were all shooting at their target who went by the name of Kakashi Hatake, who was literally running as if his life was depending on it, which was actually true. You may be wandering how this came to be...

_(Flashback)_

_The next day came and the entire Team 7 was at their designated training grounds, you know, the one near the memorial stone. Yeah, that one. "Alright everyone, time to start your test," instructed the one eye jonin, who was on time for once. The reason for this was because Kushina and Mikoto had a little 'talk' with him. I won't go into details, but it involves him and yaoi._

_"And what is the test?" asked Hinata. Kakashi gave one of his eye smiles and pull out two bells, which he proceeded to place over his waist.  
_

_"The test is to grab the bells. As you notice, there are only two of them. That means that one of you will be sent back to the academy."_

_"Like hell I'm grabbing the bells! You placed them over your junk!" yelled Naruto. Kakashi sported a tick mark at the insult, but managed to keep his cool._

_"Okay then. You must come at me with the intent to kill. Don't go easy, go all out. And go!" stated Kakashi, closing his eyes. He sense that the three are still in front of him, so he guess two things. 'Okay, either they are planning to attack me head on as a team, or they are planning to attack me on their own. Either way, piece of cake.'_

_Click!_

_Click!_

_Click!_

_The distinctive sound of clicks caused Kakashi to open his eyes, which he then started to regret. In front of him were all his students pointing their respective weapons at him. Sasuke with his 12.7mm rifle, Naruto with his Casull and Jackal copies of his grandpa's pistols, and Hinata with the Harkonnen, all of them pointing at Kakashi. It was then that Kakashi realized that he is, as most people would say, fucked._

_"Aw, crapbaskets."_

_(Flashback end)_

And that is how the team got into this current situation. Amazingly, Kakashi manage to dodge every single bullet that was whizzing by him. Whenever by his skills of a jonin or by pure luck, it didn't matter. The important thing is that they are all working together as a team, even though they are nearly succeeding in killing him. Though the thing that irked him him is that they aren't using jutsus. Team 7 needs to use jutsus in order to pass.

"Hold on a minute!" shouted Kakashi, dodging a 12.7mm round shot by Sasuke. "You already got the teamwork, but I can't pass you unless you use jutsus!"

"Way ahead of you!" shouted Sasuke as he holstered his rifle, made some hand signs, shunshin behind Kakashi, and yelled, "**Konoha's Secret Technique: 1000 Flaming Years of Death!" **Fire enveloped the Uchiha's hands, who then proceed to poke the jonin's ass. The result was both instantaneously and hilarious. Kakashi was sent flying over the field, holding his now smoking ass. He noticed that Hinata now appeared in front of him and got into the _Jyuken_ stance, Byakugan actived.

"My turn! **Eight Trigrams: Sixty-Four Bitch-Slapping Palms!" **Hinata then attacked ferociously, slapping Kakashi on the face without mercy. In the process, she mange to destroy his mask, exposing the man's handsomely hidden face. How Kakashi's face didn't get bruised during the attack is beyond anyone's comprehension. Not like it matters since it was funny when a grown 27 year old man is getting his ass handed to him by an 12 year old girl.

**"Two! Four! Eight! Sixteen! Thirty-two! Sixty-Four Bitch-Slaps!" **yelled out Hinata as she delivered the final blow, sending Kakashi over the field once more. This time, he landed on the ground.

"Is it over?" meekly asked Kakashi, slowly getting up. He noticed a shadow looming over him. The man looked up, and paled when he saw Naruto flying straight toward him with a giant ass Rasengan, dangerously swirling within the hands of his sensei's son.

"Check out my dad's signature technique, only better! **Odama Rasengan!"** shouted Naruto as he was ascending towards his sensei. Kakashi looked at Naruto with both pride and fear. Pride for the boy's power, and fear that he was at the receiving end.

_'If there is anything in the world I regret,'_ thought Kakashi, just as the spiraling ball of pure chakra was about to destroy him. _'It is getting myself as Gai's eternal rival.'_

* * *

(An hour later)

Team 7 couldn't help but stare at Kakashi being on life support after the insane power attack they inflicted on him. They saw how the jonin is being taken care by the doctors and nurses, mostly nurses now that his face is exposed. They sweatdopped how despite the fact he is very injured, Kakashi is still able to giggle at each nurse who gave him some 'treatment'.

"So," said Sasuke, "Do we pass? We worked as a team."

"Yeah, yeah, you all pass," waved off Kakashi, receiving a 'medical massage' by a nurse. "We'll start tomorrow and begin D-ranks." Naruto, Hinata, and Sasuke looked at each other, shrugged, and left the hospital, leaving behind their sensei and his nurses.

(At the Namikaze estates)

Minato was enjoying one of his long breaks after finishing paperwork. How he did you ask? Two words. Kage Bushins. Anyways, he was sitting on a couch along with Kushina and Mikoto. He sat at the left, Kushina on the middle, and Mikoto on the right. They were watching a movie on their T.V, when suddenly Kyushana and Alucard phased through the wall, as always.

"Hello Kushina, anything happened today?" asked Kyushana.

"Not to my knowledge," answered Kushina.

"Really?" spoke Alucard. "Because word on the street is that Kakashi had his ass handed over to him by a bunch of kids." The rest of the grown-ups rose their eyebrows at this.

"And who are the kids who beat Kakashi?" asked Mikoto.

"Us!" shouted two voices. Everyone turned to the front door and saw Naruto and Sasuke, both having shit eating grins. "We beat him harder than Justin Beiber takes it to the face!" said Naruto.

"That's my sochis" cheered Kushina as she scooped up the two and gave them an really strong hug.

"Can't...Breathe" said Sasuke, gasping between air.

"Sasuke, lighten up. You passed the gennin exams. You should be proud." said Kyushana.

"I know, but I want to surpass Itachi."

"Oh don't worry, you'll get there." assured Mikoto. "It's not like Itachi beats you in everything." Suddenly, noises can be heard in one of the bedrooms, catching everyone's attention. Everyone stood up and walked over to the source, where it turns out to be Itachi's room. When they opened the door, they were greeted to the sight of a naked Itachi getting it on with a naked Ayame on his bed. The two froze upon seeing every occupant of the estate staring right at them, more importantly, at him.

"It is exactly how it looks like," Itachi stated, causing the everyone minus Alucard, Naruto, and Sasuke to facefault.

Alucard, meanwhile, gave his half-grandson a shit eating grin with a Jiraiya approved thumbs up. "That's my boy!" he stated before grabbing an unconscious Kyushana and phased to his bedroom, preparing to give the sexy times while his wife is passed out. Sasuke and Naruto, on the other hand, peeked into their pants, then to Itachi, then to pants, then Itachi, and finally pants before crouching and drew on the ground with a dark cloud over their heads.

"He beat us," they muttered.

(Hokage tower- the next day)

Minato sat at his desk, with various jonins in the room. It was time to give the results of the real genin exams. Team cannon fodder 1-6 has failed already, so let's skip to 7.

"Team 7, report," said Minato. Not receiving a response, he saw that his former student has yet to arrived. "Okay, team 8, report."

As Kurenai stepped forward, everyone noticed how she is blushing, but didn't questioned about it. "Barely passed."

"Let me guess, Sakura?" asked Minato.

"You have no idea how right you are." replied Kurenai.

"Moving on, team 10, report."

"Passed," answered Asuma, taking a puff of his cigarette.

"Okay, where is Kakashi? Even he knows not to be late in this kinds of meeting." asked Minato.

"He ain't coming," said Jiraiya, entering through the window. "He's severely injured by his genin team after receiving a can of whoop ass." At this point, everyone's eyes were already bugging out. "Also Team 7 passed."

"Why am I not surprise," said Tsunade, entering from the door. 13 years ago, ever since the bizarre event of the Kyubi, aka Kyushana, aka Kushina's mother, Tsunade decided to stay because...

1\. She gets the chance to start her medical program thanks to Minato and Kushina.

2\. She likes Kushina and Mikoto, treating them as her surrogate daughters.

3\. Shizune liked Kakashi (She's secretly a closet pervert).

4\. Alucard scared the shit out of her.

and 5. Kyushana once said that her (Tsunade) breasts were small compared to hers (Kyushana), pissing off the slug sannin. Long story.

"No kidding, anyways have you seen Naruto? I'm here to drop off his latest Icha Icha," asked Jiraiya with a perverted grin.

"Every fiber in my being wants me to ripped you apart for corrupting my son, but unfortunately my damn father-in-law thought it would be good." growled Minato.

"And that is way I like that guy," said Jiraiya. Minato simply banged his head on the table.

"Why me?"

(One week later)

"Maelstorm Fucker in position."

"Sexy Lavender in position."

"Mirror Monkey in positon."

"Scarecrow in position. Do you see the the tag?"

"Maelstorm here, target has the tag. Permission to engage?"

"Permission granted. Give them hell."

"For PONY!" shouted Naruto, Hinata, and Sasuke as they unholstered their weapons and started shooting like crazy at their target.

_Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!__Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!_

_Boom!Boom!Boom!__Boom___Boom!Boom!Boom!_____Boom!Boom!Boom!__!Boom!Boom!_

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_

This kept up for 75 minutes.

(Later)

Everything was calm in the mission room, until a smokin ball of fur flew inside as Gai-like speeds and crashed right onto the fire daiymo's wife. It was revealed to be the notorious demon cat, Tora. Everyone was wondering what the hell happened until Team 7 came in, each genin carrying their weapons while Kakashi was still reading his Icha Icha. The genin had a sinister smile on their faces, scaring everyone else. "Here kitty kitty kitty," mused Naruto, waving his pistols at the cat. Tora screeched in fear and motioned his owner to get the hell out of there. The fire lady must have understood because in no less than a second, they got the hell out of there.

"Damn, it got away," complained Hinata. Everyone, including Iruka, Sarutobi, and Minato, sweatdropped at this. Sarutobi cleared his throat, gaining team 7's attention.

"Okay, team 7. Um, good job retrieving Tora the cat. Now, I have a couple more missions for you four to take, such as cleaning the Inuzuka's kennels, painting some fences, and-"

"Give us a C-rank," said team 7, which later caused Iruka to give a speech about the missions what nots. After giving his speech, he noticed that Naruto, Hinata, and Sasuke were all asleep. Ticked off, the scar-chunnin used his patented **Big Head no Jutsu** and woke the hell out of them. "Geez, you didn't have to scream." said Sasuke.

"Alright, how about this. I got a low C-rank for you three. The mission is to escort a bridge builder to wave country. How's that for a mission," suggested Minato.

"Deal," said Naruto, grabbing the scroll of said mission. The Yondaime motioned one of his guards to introduced the client. The client turns out to be an old man who reek of booze, but given that both Tsunade and Alucard drink a lot of alcohol, they weren't affected much.

"What's this? I asked for a ninja team, not some brats coming from a cosplaying convention. What's with the blond one? He looks the strangest," said Tazuna, taking a swing of his bottle of sake. A gunshot was heard, and his bottle suddenly shattered into millions of pieces, splashing the liquid all over the floor. Tazuna looked at the source, and was wide eyed when he saw Naruto pointing at him with his pistols.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you over the sound of me owning your ass. Care to repeat that?" taunted Naruto. Tazuna gulped and nodded no. Naruto smiled as he holstered his weapons. "That's more like it. Alright then, I'll meet you all at the front gates." And with that, Team 7 left, leaving behind Tazuna, Sarutobi, Iruka, and Minato. Minato sighed as he ruffled his hair.

"Why do I have the distinctive feeling that this mission is about to get crazy?"

(Omake-why Kurenai was blushing)

Last time, Mizuki was introduced to his very busty, but loli-sized date, a snow fox by the name Yuki. He was also introduced to Yuki's younger yet taller, scary, and unknown to him, hot brother, Koga. Needless to say, first time meeting was awkward. Never the less, it worked out well, if you ignored the interruptions that came to the date. What was the interruptions, you may ask? Was it hecklers, demon-haters, paparazzi's, Gai and Lee suddenly shouting their flames of youth? Nope, no, no, and maybe. Nope, it was Koga himself. Since he was the third wheel, Yuki suggested for her brother to go out and do something. Koga decided to agree and took a walk around Konaha.

Which is why he finds himself walking toward a random training ground, or to be specific, the one where Kurenai's team is located.

"So bored." he said, walking across the field. He stopped when he noticed 4 chakra signatures nearby. "Hmm, I wonder what's going on." He performed a ice shunshin (Imagine it) and appeared to the source. He saw 5 beings, a boy with a hood, a dog, another boy with sunglasses, a pink hair boy-girl thing, and a lady wearing bandages. He noticed that they were all staring at him. The dog boy was looking at him in awe, the sunglasses one was analyzing him, the pink hair one was sneering at him, and the lady was...blushing?

"WHO ARE YOU?!" screeched Sakura. Koga winced as he rubbed his fox ears, which caused the lady to let out a small squeal, before composing herself.

"Ow, control your banshee," said Koga. Sakura was fuming while Kiba laughed as if it was the funniest joke in the world, Shino looked a little happy, and Kurenai stiffled a giggle. "Anyways, my name is Koga, member of the Kitsune clan. In case you're wondering, that's where Lady Kyushana leads."

"Nice. Name's Kiba Inuzuka," said Kiba.

"Arf," barked Akamaru.

"Hey, Akamaru," greeted back Koga, to everyone's surprise.

"You can understand Akamaru!?" shouted Kiba.

"Of course, I'm part canine."

"Interesting. Shino Aburame." said the stoic bug user.

"I don't have to give you my name," sneered Sakura.

"Fine, I'll just call you boy-girl thing," shrugged Koga, causing Sakura to screech. He noticed that the jonin was hesitant of talking. "And you?"

_'Come on Kurenai, just introduced yourself. Despite his appearance, his is just a normal being like me, only stronger, taller, and cute- oh Kami!'_ "HELLO!" greeted Kurenai, only louder than she was hoping to speak. This threw off many of the people listening, surprise that Kurenai lost her cool. "MY NAME IS KURENAI YUUHI!"

"Um, hi. Thanks for the introduction. I was just walking by, so I'll be on my way," said Koga as he walked away, before waving goodbye to team 8. Kurenai waved furiously, before realizing what just happened.

_'Oh Kami, did I just became a fangirl?!'_

"Oh great, Kurenai-sensei is smitten with that fox," said Sakura. "Guess her standards means anyone who she'll spead her l-" She didn't get the chance to finish because Kurenai suddenly punched the girl to the face. The woman then proceeded to repeatedly punch the pink hair girl.

"Don't."

_Thwack_

"You."

_Thwack_

"Dare."

_Thwack_

"Finish."

_Thwack_

"That."

_Thwack_

"Sentence!" shouted Kurenai as she gave more vicious beatings to the harpy. At the sidelines, Kiba, Akamaru, and Shino were sitting on lawn chairs, wearing sunglasses, and drinking out of coconuts, enjoying the spectacle of their sensei beating up their teammate.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, I gave Koga the denseness of Cannon Naruto's obliviousness to females. Though it won't be long until he figures out about Kurenai. As for her, I thought it'll be funny for her to lose her cool like that.**


	5. Chapter 5

Team seven and Tazuna were currently walking toward the bridge maker's home country. It was the usual routine, Kakashi reading his Icha Icha, Naruto flirting with Hinata, Sasuke enjoying his walk without having to fear fangirls, and Tazuna being weary about something. Yup, the usual routine. At least it was until the team noticed a small puddle in the middle of the road.

_'Seriously? What are we, Sakura?" _they all thought. Suddenly Naruto had a brilliant (meaning hilarious) idea and ran toward one of the puddles. "Naruto, what are you doing?" asked Sasuke.

"I'm about to take a shit. Can't hold it!" the blonde replied as he lowered his pants and squatted over the puddle, though Hinata blushed seeing the hanging _thing_ between the boy's legs.

_'Oh Kami, it's huge! i can't wait when I get older and- NO! Bad Hinata, bad! Kyushana's letter is getting to my head,' _thought the poor not-so-much innocent girl. Meanwhile, back in Konoha, Hiashi had the sudden urged to kill a certain blonde while his wife, Hikari, had the urge to suddenly buy baby gifts. Before Naruto even had the chance to drop the bomb, two men rose from their positions, weapons already aimed at the blonde.

"Were you seriously gonna shit on us!?" yelled Gozu.

"I don't know. Give me a minute and you'll find out," smirked Naruto.

"Are you mocking us?!" yelled Meizu.

"Ohnonononononononono...pfft, yeah! **SUPER ODAMA RASENGAN!**" yelled Naruto as he performed the giant sphere of destruction and slammed it to the ground, creating a huge ass crater. The demon brothers were doing the fish no jutsu upon seeing the legendary attack that was created by the Yondaime of Konoha. By the looks of the brat using the jutsu, even looking like the hokage could only mean one thing.

"Uh, what's your name?" asked Meizu, fearfully for the answer. Unfortunately for him and his brother, what Naruto said confirmed their fears.

"Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze," the blonde answered. The demon brothers looked at each other, nodded, and did the unbelievable...

...they bowed.

"We surrender," they both said, causing both team seven and Tazuna to face fault.

"Okay, did not see that coming," said Sasuke, getting up from the ground.

"True," agreed Kakashi, "But that leaves one question. What are the demon brothers doing here?"

"Oh, we were paid to kill the old man," answered Gozu, pointing at Tazuna, who was currently sweating bullets.

"Really," said Hinata, facing the bridge builder. "Explain."

Pointless to explain so lets move on...

"All in favor to continue the mission, go aye," said Kakashi.

"AYE!" said Naruto, Hinata, and Sasuke together.

"The motion carries," eye smiled Kakashi. The demon brothers gaped of how a jonin such as Kakashi had easily allowed his students, all of them genin, to continue the mission. They should probably explain about Zabuza and Haku, but they decided not and left them to rejoin the two. It's not like it was that important. Right? "Oh, and Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"Pull up your pants."

(Zabuza's hideout)

"You two failed," said Zabuza, looking at the demon brothers. "You let yourselves get defeated by a mere genin!"

"Oi!" countered Gozu. "The brat is the Yondaime Hokage's kid! He did his father's signature jutsu, only more dangerous and life-threatening. Not to mention that his teammates consist of an Uchiha and a Hyuga, and their sensei is Kakashi Hatake!"

"And looks whose talking about losing to a genin," Meizu said, putting his two cents in. "You lost to Haku years ago when she was just a kid when she asked for a rabbit."

"That's completely different!" yelled Zabuza, sporting a tick mark. "She use that damn **Puppy eye no Jutsu** to force my to get one for her."

"I thought it was because you see her sporting tears and couldn't bear to see her cry," said Gozu.

"Doesn't matter. Haku! We're leaving!" ordered the former swordsmen.

"Here, Chappy Chappy Chappy!" said a female's voice. The three males turned and deadpanned upon seeing Haku feeding her pet bunny some carrots. Zabuza groaned seeing the girl acting...like a girl.

_'One of these days, I'm gonna get rid of that blasted furball.'_

(Back to Team 7 and Tazuna)

Once again, our fic's team plus Tazuna continued their journey to wave country. This time however, Naruto decided to humor the group with a song when Sasuke said that Sakura had been trying to go on a date with him.

_"Sasuke_

_Do you want to kill a fangirl?_

_Come on let's kill her today!_

_Problems with Sakura, no more,_

_Some blood and gore_

_We'll blow her far away!_

_We used to be best brothers_

_oh wait, we're still the best_

_But I still wanna know whyyyyyyyyyy?_

_Do you want to kill a fangirl?_

_It doesn't have to be Sakura"_

"No," stated Sasuke.

_"But whyyyyyyyyyyyy?"_

"First off, I won't kill Sakura yet. It'll cause me problems later in the future. Second, what were you singing?"

"I was wondering as well," said Hinata. "I think I heard a song similar to that."

"Oh, I once heard Alucard-jiji singing it to Kyu-baachan. He said that an old buddy of his sang it a buddy of his," explained Naruto. Meanwhile, in another part of the world, a bald saiyan/model/movie director of the #1 films of all time, _Skygina_ and _Citizen Nappa, _sneezed. Suddenly, without warning, Naruto took out a kunai and threw it a nearby bush. The bush moved and reveal to be a white bunny.

"Really Naruto?" said Sasuke.

"Oi! I got startled," said Naruto. Hinata, on the other hand, said something else.

"Anybody noticed how the bunny has a winter coat instead of a summer coat?" she said. Before anyone could say anything, Kakashi shouted,

"EVERYBODY DOWN!"

Everyone complied and dropped when an over-sized cleaver whizzed over them and embed itself to a tree. When they got up, they saw a gray skin man standing on the sword.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Kakashi Hatake, the mirror ninja," said Zabuza.

"Zabuza Momochi, Demon of the hidden Mist," said Kakashi, lifting up his headband, revealing his hidden Sharingan eye.

_'Oh yeah, I forgot he had that,'_ thought his students.

"Ahh, the Sharingan eye. I feel honored," said Zabuza, releasing some major killer intent. To his surprise, none of the genins seem scared of him. In fact, they all seem bored.

"Are you trying to intimidate us? Because if you are, you're failing at that," mocked Hinata, irking Zabuza.

"I'll show you intimidating! **Kiri No Jutsu!**" yelled Zabuza. A mist surrounded the team and client, reducing their vision as the mask missing-nin blended into the mist. "Try to find me, ya brats."

"Team seven, Magi formation! Go!" ordered Kakashi to his students.

"Lungs, liver, brain, throat, heart...so many choices, so little time," spoke the mist.

"I can't find him with my Byakugan," said Hinata, trying to find Zabuza.

"Keep sharp, he can appear out of nowhere," said Sasuke.

"Too late," shouted Zabuza, appearing behind the two and in front of Tazuna and Naruto. He raised the Kubikiribōchō and was about to decapitate Tazuna. "The bridge builder is dead!"

_Bang!_

It was thanks to Zabuza's instincts that made him shielded himself with his sword from an oncoming projectile of some sort heading straight toward him. To his horror, the sword did not reflect the projectile but instead took damage, causing a nick to his blade. He looked to see a blonde nine tail fox boy pointing something at him.

"Wanna repeat what you said?" smirked Naurto, cocking his pistols.

"Lucky shot gaki. I have no idea what those things do, but I'm not falling for those things again," said Zabuza as he ran toward Naruto and swung his sword. The sword made it's mark and sliced Naruto in half, spraying blood like shit crazy. However, instead of falling dead, Naruto's body reattached itself. "What the hell!?"

"I'm immortal motherfucker!" yelled Naruto as made a familiar sphere in his right hand. "**Rasengan!**" he yelled as he slammed the attack onto Zabuza's stomach, sending the man flying across the field, landing painfully on the ground.

"Damn, now I know why the demon brothers failed. They were scared of you," he said, getting up. He saw movement at the corner of his eye and blocked a punch made by Sasuke. "Well, an almighty member of the Uchiha clan graces me with his presence."

"Hn. Don't get cocky.** Fire Release: Great Fire Annihilation!**" Sasuke yelled out as a massive wave of fire head straight toward Zabuza, who quickly dodge it to avoid the heat wave.

"The hell!" he said but didn't had the chance to finish when Hinata suddenly appeared beside him.

"**Eight Trigrams: One Hundred Twenty-Eight Palms!**" she called out as she proceeded to attack the man. **"Two. Four. Eight. Sixteen. Thirty-two. Sixty-four. One hundred Twenty-Eight Palms!"** Zabuza's tenketsu points were closed, causing him to be severely weakened. Hinata smiled at this as she deliver a final kick to Zabuza, sending him toward a tree.

"What the hell has Konoha been teaching these brats!?" yelled Zabuza, struggling to get himself up. "I never got the chance to damage any of them!"

"Well, they are no ordinary genins, that's for sure," spoke Kakashi, lowering his headband.

"Great, what's gonna happen to me?" asked Zabuza.

"I don't know. Let's ask the demon brothers," said Sasuke, pointing over a poorly disguised bush where the gang can clearly see the demon brothers attempting to spy on them.

_'What the fuck!? They were hiding there the whole time!?'_ thought Zabuza. Said brothers got out and raised their hands.

"Hold on! We come in peace," said Meizu.

"Yeah yeah, we get it. Look, let's keep this brief. Who hired you guys?" asked Kakashi.

"Gato." Zabuza, Meizu, and Gozu all replied.

"I got a proposal," spoke Naruto, earning him the missing-nins' attention. "Join us at Konoha."

"Why?" asked Zabuza, suspicious.

"Honestly, that's the best I could think of." shrugged Naruto.

"Ah what the hell, we'll join ya. We got nothing else to do and I'm pretty sure Gato will betray us," said Zabuza, earning him some nods from the demon brothers. Suddenly, a Kiri hunter nin appeared.

"It seems your team have managed to subdue Zabuza Momochi and the demon brothers. Thank you, I will take over from here." she said.

"Don't bother Haku," said Zabuza, "We're no longer working with Gato."

"Are you serious!?" shouted Haku, dropping her mask. "It took me weeks to memorize my lines!"

"Well sorry for your loss."

"Um, I have no idea what's going on right now," said a bewildered Tazuna.

"I'll explain on the way," waved off Kakashi. "In the meantime, let's head to Wave."

"Um, I have a question?" asked Haku.

"Yeah?" asked Hinata.

"Why do you have David Bowie as your sensei?" she asked innocently. This earned her some laughter from everyone minus Kakashi, who seemed a little irked right now.

_'Damn it, I'm not David Bowie! I can't even sing!' _he thought as he, team seven, the missing-nins, and Tazuna all embarked to Wave.

(Omake!-Afternoon well spent)

Koga was walking toward the training grounds where Team Kurenai were planning to train. In his opinion, 4/5s of them are okay people. Shino and Kiba plus Akamaru were decent. Kurenai was decent. Sakura, however, not even close to tolerable. Every single second it was 'Sasuke-kun' this, or 'Sasuke-kun' that. You get the picture?

Anyways, he finally made it to the training grounds where to his surprise, only Kurenai was there. "Kurenai-chan!" he called out to the red eye woman. Said woman saw him and blushed.

'_Alright Kurenai, you gotta keep it cool.' _"Hello Koga-kun!" _'Smooth.'_

"Where's the team?" asked Koga.

"Well, Sakura made another remark about Sasuke, so Shino slapped her again. She was out cold for the whole day, so I decided to sent the team for a day off. She's over there you know," replied Kurenai, pointing to the unconscious form of Sakura that was near them.

"Wow, for the first time in history, she's quiet," joked Koga, earning him a giggle from Kurenai. "So what now?"

"Well," said Kurenai. "I hardly know much about you, so I was wondering if we can get to know each other with lunch?" _'Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes!'_

"Hmm, why not? How does 7pm sound?" accepted Koga.

"That's fine," said Kurenai. _'She shoots, she scores!' _"Though, what do we do with Sakura?"

"I got an idea."

(Later)

"What are you doing?" asked Yuki to her younger brother. She, Mizuki, Kurenai, and Koga were at the park. The snow fox was enjoying a small walk with Mizuki when she found Koga and Kurenai sitting at one of the benches.

"Just sitting," replied Koga.

"I don't believe you," said Mizuki.

"Fine, the truth is that we set a prank for Sakura," spoke Kurenai.

"Oh, this I got to see!" gleefully said the chunnin as he sat and waited. Moments later, a large smoke poofed in the middle of the park. When it died down, it revealed to be Sakura, only naked and in public.

"Oh my Kami, It's hideous!" shouted a random woman who pointed at the pink hair girl. Sakura screamed with all her might, which is saying something since she does that 24/7.

"It's amazing how one's afternoon can be spent by stealing someone's clothes, sealing that person in a storage scroll, put a timer jutsu on it, and set them in a public place like this," smirked Koga as Kurenai, Mizuki, and Yuki all laughed at Sakura while the pink one continued to run and be pointed out by the people.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Yeesh, it's been like 2-3 months since I updated this story. My reason is because I was at mexico visiting family members and they didn't have internet connection. And when I came back, it was the start of the fall semester at the college I applied for. Sorry for the long Hiatus!**

* * *

(Some songs sang by Naruto later)

"Tsunami, I'm home, and I brought guests!" called out Tazuna as soon as he, team 7, and the kiri group entered his home. A head popped out of a doorway, revealing a young beautiful woman.

"Father! You made it back safely!" she said.

"Yup, and it's all thanks to these super konoha ninjas who were hired to protect me and these other ninjas who were hired to kill me!" said Tazuna as if it was nothing. This, of course, caused Tsunami to gawk at her father.

"WHAT!?" she shouted. Kakashi stepped forward to explain the situation. After explaining a bit, Tsunami accepted the plan but was a little dubious to the kiri nin, more-so at Zabuza due to the fact that he nearly killed her father. "Okay, I get the picture, so what now?"

"Not sure about you guys, but I'm going to try to do one of my granddad's skills." said Naruto.

"You mean the ability to create demonic animals and weapons using shadows?" pondered Sasuke.

"No, I'm saving until either at the chunnin exams or someone pisses me off (AKA, Sakura). I meant opening a portal to bring out the dead and revived them as if they never died," he corrected.

"Hold on a minute!" shouted Zabuza. "You're going to resurrect a dead person?!"

"Yeah."

"How!?"

"Don't try to ask him," said Kakashi. "His grandfather's a immortal vampire while his grandmother is the infamous Nine tail fox that you all know as the Kyuubi, whose real name turns out to be Kyushana Uzumaki, the original founder of the fame Uzumaki clan." (A/N: Oh yeah, I typed that. Deal with it)

"What!" shouted Zabuza, the demon brothers, and Haku.

"Did I mention that their daughter is the _Red Habanero_ herself, Kushina Uzumaki?"

"WHAT?!"

(One week later)

It has been one week since the entire group had entered Tazuna's home. Naruto was still trying to complete the portal to the dead. When he was doing this, the group was introduced to Inari, the little brat who thought that Gato was immortal due to the fact that his father figure, Kaiza, was killed on the order of the tycoon. The boy always seem gloomy and silent. At least, he was until on the 6th day of their stay that when Kakashi and Zabuza were thinking up strategies to take down, Inari shouted that they were all going to die because it was pointless. Naruto decided to humor the boy by shooting himself in the head. Many of them remember the day as if it was yesterday...which it was.

(Flashback)

_"Don't any of you see that it is pointless to fight Gato! You're all going to die!" yelled Inari. Naruto looked up from his work (he's actually reading Icha Icha under Alucard's portal plans, no surprise) and gave him a look._

_"Oh really?" he said. "Why?"_

_"Cause he's immortal!" explained Inari. Naruto stared and looked at Hinata, who looked at Sasuke, who looked at Kakashi, who looked at Naruto, who looked Inari. Moments passed, and team 7 all laughed as if it was the funniest joke they ever heard. "What's so funny?" Inari asked, confused._

_"Bitch please," said Naruto as he took out his pistols and shot himself on the head. There was shit spraying of blood flying everywhere in the room as every single person was hit by Naruto's red liquid. Kakashi looked impassive, Hinata wiped herself with a napkin, Sasuke was a little irked about it, Zabuza was wide eye, Gozu and Meizu were jaw hanging, and poor Haku passed out on the couch after seeing so much blood. Inari, on the other hand, was shaking in fear at what he witness._

_"Oh Kami, did you see his face!" said a voice coming from the headless body of Naruto. The blood that was splattered everywhere was now moving towards the body. Naruto's head started to regenerate until the whole body part was healed, as if it was never destroyed to begin with. "I swear, his expression is the same as those villagers who tried to kill me found out I can't be killed!"_

_Thud!_

_Everyone turned and saw Tsunami passed out on the floor. They can all see her soul coming out of her mouth. "Huh," said Naruto. "Guess that was a little overkill?"_

_"You don't say?" sarcastically replied team 7._

(End of Flashback)

Today was the final day where Gato had sent his men to the bridge in order to kill every single worker. Unfortunately, Naruto was too determined on the whole resurrecting thing that he overslept. Kakashi had decided to let him sleep this off. Besides, it was time for Sasuke and Hinata to shine. He wanted to see what kind of monkey business those two can do.

Team 7 (minus Naruto) and Zabuza's team walked toward the bridge, hoping Gato's men were there so that they can stop them, finish the bridge, celebrate, and go home. Simple as that. When they got there, none of them were surprise of seeing Gato and a bunch of his goons at the other side of the bridge. "Well, well, well, if it isn't little Zabu-Zabu? Looks like the so called demon isn't all he appears to be."

"Gato, still short I see," said Zabuza, causing Gato to growl.

"Doesn't matter. Even if you are strong, there are a lot us and only few of you." the midget smirked. The ninja group looked at each other and grinned.

(Cue epic music)

"**Suiton: Kiri no Jutsu**!" yelled Zabuza as a heavy dense fog covered the bridge, obscuring the enemy's vision.

"What the fuck!" yelled one of the goons. "I can't see shit!"

"Too bad!" yelled Zabuza as he swung his sword across the thug, killing him and taking many others as well.

"I foresee all of your futures," said Kakashi, Sharingan active, while holding a kunai on both his hands. "And your future is Death!" He yelled and he slashed every thug by their throats. Many of them attempt to attack the single eye ninja, but Kakashi's Sharingan allows him to see any incoming attacks, allowing the man to dodge them like nothing. Meizu and Gozu were synchronizing their attacks with their chains and daggers, which allows them to kill a lot of enemies without stopping. Haku was pretty much throwing ice sebons at any enemy neck she's sees. Sasuke was attacking them by altering between taijutsu, various forms of ninjutsu, and let's not forget firing his rifle in which the bullets hit the enemies, causing whatever body part was hit to be painfully ripped off from the owner. Same thing happen to Hinata, except given that she has the Harkonnen, the bullets pretty much explodes the enemies, causing blood to go ape shit everywhere.

In short, it was a blood bath worthy of praise from Alucard.

Gato could only stare in horror as the second to last thug exploded into pieces thanks to Hinata, with the final thug being next to him. "Sir, we have to get out of here!" said the goon.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" replied the midget tycoon as the two began to take off.

"Cowards!" shouted Sasuke as he prepared his 12.7mm rifle.

"MineMineMineMineMineMineMineMineMineMineMineMine..."

"Does anyone hear that?" asked Haku.

"MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!"

"For some reason, sounds like..."

_Bang Bang_

Two gunshots rang in the air and suddenly, the legs of Gato and the goon were blown clean off from their owners. Everybody turned and saw Naruto with a shit eating grin. "Mine."

"Nice one," said Hinata.

"Sorry I'm late, but I was too busy being a badass after saving Tazuna's family after a group of thugs came to kidnap them." said Naruto. He then noticed the two one legged bastards on the ground. "Speaking of badassery, thank god these two are still alive, I need them for the resurrection portal."

"You finished it?" asked Kakashi.

"Damn right I did! Now let's go to Inari so I can bring back his dad and make him less of an emo bitch."

(5 minutes later)

"You're going to what now!?" shouted Tazuna, Tsunami, and Inari.

"I'm going to resurrect your dad," mused Naruto as he start doing bullshit to make the portal.

"Really?"

"Yeah yeah. Now just give me a moment." Suddenly the room of the house team 7 were staying went all dark and shit. Demonic eyeballs covered everything as a giant portal appeared in the middle of the room.

"I-I'm scared," said Inari, shivering.

"That's not the scary part," corrected Naruto.

"WHAT?!" shouted Zabuza. "You're telling me that the floating demonic eyeballs and the floating spiraling doorway to what appears to be hell ain't scary?!"

"Nope," said Naruto as a being appeared right in front of him. Everyone couldn't help but feel the power radiating out of this mysterious being. Didn't help that the guy was _smiling_ of all. "Everyone, this is Mr. Popo."

"Hello maggots." introduced Mr. Popo. "Before we get to business, I will lay down the pecking order. First there's you, the dirt, the worms inside the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, and Popo. Any questions?" Both of the demon brothers raised their hands but before either of them asked, they were bitchslapped by an unseen force, causing them to hit the wall of eyes. Everyone (minus Naruto) had their jaws hanging seeing the infamous Kiri nins taken down as if they were nothing.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Mr. Popo's signature attack is his bitch-slapping pimp hand, guaranteed to crippled and/or kill his opponents, Gods included." spoke Naruto.

"How many died from that technique?" asked Kakashi.

"All of them," answered Mr. Popo. The cyclops jonin decided not to ask any further. "Alright, I'm on a tight schedule here, state your business."

"Mr. Popo," started Naruto. "I want to make a deal. Two souls of maggots for two souls."

"Okay."

"Oh thank Kami! I nearly lost my shit there." sighed Naruto.

"You are not the first," said Mr. Popo. "Names of the two maggots you're paying with?"

"Some midget name Gato and generic thug #1" answered Naruto.

"And the ones you're bringing back?"

"Kaiza and...um... Haku! What's your mom's name?" asked Naruto to the ice user.

"Kasumi Yuki."

"What she said."

"Done. POPO!" At first, nothing happened, but then everyone can hear something coming from the portal, or some_one._

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" was all they heard until two people flew out the portal and crash right onto a wall. One was a dark hair male in fishmen's garments while the other was a long white haired voluptuous female wearing a white kimono.

"Dad/Kaiza!" shouted Inari, Tsunami, and Tazuna as they ran toward the down man.

"Mom!" shouted Haku as she ran toward her mother.

"Now for you two maggots," spoke Mr. Popo. For moment, nothing happened, but then, it happened. Black mist rose from the ground, covering the two poor one legged saps from head to toe. Gato and the thug screamed in agony as the mist claimed them. Kakashi, Sasuke, Hinata, Zabuza, Meizu, Gozu, Haku, Tazuna, Tsunami, Inari, Kaiza, and Kasumi looked in horror as the two victims suffered. After a while, the mist died, and they saw that Gato and the thug are no longer there.

"Wh-what happened to them?" asked the scared Haku. She flinched when Mr. Popo directed his gaze at her with his souless eyes that spoke hell!

"I'll tell you where they're not," said Mr. Popo as he started fading out. "Safe." he disappeared, but not before giving his signature laugh. Everyone shivered at the dark, evil laugh. They were certain that being is a demon that puts the bijus to shame. At that moment, they all noticed that Naruto was still standing.

"Um, Naruto-kun?" spoke Hinata. "Why are you still standing like that?"

"Cause I scared shitless now," answered Naruto. "Can one of you carry me to the bathroom? I have to take a piss." Everyone faceplanted at his question, and Poor old Kakashi was wondering how the hell he was going to explained what just happened to the Yondaime.

(Side story-shall be important for the next chapter)

As stated before, Koga had agreed to go have a bite to eat with Kurenai. While it may seems simple, there was a problem. Kurenai couldn't get a location for lunch. Every time she tried to get a reservation to a restaurant, she was told the same thing:

_"We don't want you or your boy toy, you demon loving slut!"_

For one thing, nobody even knows she was having a small lunch date with Koga. She wanted to find out who found out about it. It wasn't until one day she passed by Ichiraku's and saw Teuchi waving her over. Curiosity filled her as she walked over to the ramen stand. "Teuchi, what is it?"

"I heard you were having trouble getting reservations," inquired the ramen owner. Kurenai nodded in agreement. Teuchi continued, "Why not have a bite here?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I don't think Koga is a fan of ramen." declined Kurenai. She noticed that Teuchi is snickering. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, my dear, you have no idea how wrong you are," stated the owner as he into explanation of how Kyushana is actually the founder of the Uzumaki clan. He went into depth of how she started the clan and how the members came to be. Kurenai listened in astonished about the Uzumaki history.

"How do you know all of this?" she asked.

"When Kushina was just a little girl, she always comes here and tells me about her clan. She trusted me enough to hold secrets that would have made anyone crack. You wouldn't believe my reaction when she told that she was the Kyuubi jinchuuriki and the Kyuubi is actually her mother and that her father was an vampire."

"I could only guess," muttered Kurenai before she remembered something. "Wait a minute, how did you know I was looking for reservations?"

"Well, some pink hair girl was yelling about it in the market. A lot of what she was saying wasn't positive." explained Teuchi. Kurenai blinked and suddenly, rage filled inside of her (or hunger, it could be either one). She knew who Teuchi was talking about.

_'Sakura Haruno! That is the last straw! You bitched about your precious Sasuke-kun who won't even touch you with a ten foot pole! You complained about how the Shinobi training was too hard for you! And now, you have the gall to decline me with my date with Koga-kun!'_

It was at that moment, Kurenai had created her, ahem, inner Kurenai.

_**'Retribution! We should make that bitchy little girl pay!' **_yelled Inner Kurenai.

_'I'm already on it.'_

**_'_****_Yatteyaruze(1)! To the Hokage tower we go!'  
_**

(some time later)

Minato was currently sleeping on his desk, not a paperwork in sight. It was good to know that having knowledge to the shadow clone jutsu would come in handy. Minato was enjoying his long sleep when the door to his office was slammed opened, and stomping in was Kurenai. Minato looked up and saw her. "Ah, Kurenai, how can I help you with?" Kurenai looked at her hokage, and the next words coming out of her will change everything (for the best, obviously)

"Hokage-sama, I wish to drop Sakura Haruno from my team, and the Shinobi program."

"Okay," shrugged Minato. Kurenai blinked for a moment.

"Really?"

"Yeah, gives me an excuse to piss her mom off. Although, you will have only two members in your team."

"They'll understand," assured Kurenai. Minato nodded before pulling out a sheet of paper, wrote something, then stamped it.

"Alright, Sakura is no longer in the shinobi program."

"YES!" yelled Kurenai as she hugged Minato and ran out the office, hugging everyone on the way. "I'M FREE FROM THAT PINK HAIR BANSHEE!"

"Wow, she must really hate Sakura."

* * *

**(1)Yatteyaruze-"Let's do it!"  
**


	7. Chapter 7

(Small time skip)

Team 7, Zabuza's team, and Kasumi were all sprinting toward Konoha. Since none of them are civilians, they didn't have to worry about anything slowing them down. It has been a while since they left Wave country. Naruto had resurrected Kaiza and Kasumi Yuki (Haku's mom), they all defeated Gato, and they were hailed as heroes in Wave. The bridge has been completed and Tazuna asked them to stay to name the bridge after them. After a week, which was ridiculous since they were suppose to name the bridge after a while, they decided on a name.

The Great Shinobi Bridge! Although it was originally 'The Great Fuck-Mothering Bridge', Tazuna changed it since the last thing he needed was his grandson picking up swear words.

Anyways, the large group of shinobi were heading toward Konoha. The Demon brothers were talking to each other, Naruto, Hinata, and Sasuke were talking to their new friend Haku, and Kakashi was starting conversion with Zabuza and Kasumi. "So, you guys are serious about joining Konoha? What about Kiri?"

"Kiri is out of the question, right now that place is a hellhole with the civil war and all. I rather take my chances at Konoha than there," answered Zabuza.

"Oh, and what about you, Kasumi," Kakashi asked the white hair Yuki.

"Like I will come back to the place where I died," growled the woman. Kakashi stepped back a step after hearing her growl.

"Okay. Looks like someone is still a bit etchy about that place."

(Meanwhile at Konoha)

Alucard and Kyushana were enjoying one of their favorite pastimes: drinking at inconvenient places. So far, they had drank at:

1\. The academy

2\. The Hokage's office (which lead to hot steamy sex)

3\. Hiashi's and Hikari's bedroom (also lead to sex. Hiashi nearly had an anerysm)

4\. Kushina's old bedroom (also lead to sex, though Kushina's childhood was ruined when she saw them, especially when she saw her mother using her favorite plush doll for...ahem...very adult things. Although it did give Mikoto ideas)

and 5. strip clubs (surprisingly, sex wasn't involved.)

So where are they now? They are drinking sake at Danzo's underground root facility without a care in the world. "How's your Sake, my dear?" asked Alucard.

"It needs something," answered Kyushana. Alucard nodded and gestured one of the Root anbu to him. "Yo! Bring me some more alcohol! And don't forget the poison, it needs flavoring!"

Normally, Root anbu wouldn't comply to these orders, but the guy literally cannot be force out since he can pretty much kill them all without breaking a sweat. "Coming up sir," answered the Root anbu as he or she (hard to tell with these guys) left to get more sake, though they are gonna need to stock up on some poison. Alucard had already downed a bottle of it. As soon as the root anbu left, a portal appeared and stepped out was Mr. Popo. "Hello everyone."

"Yo, Popo! Long time no see! Take a seat and enjoy some alcohol mixed with poison! We got plenty!" greeted Alucard.

"Thanks," said Mr. Popo as he took a seat and grabbed a bottle. He looked around. "Didn't you brought your wife?"

"Yeah she-," Alucard was about to answer until he realized Kyushana was no longer there. "Oh right, I forgot how Kyushana feels about you." The immortal fuck mothering vampire looked up and saw his wife clinging to the ceiling as if her life depends on it. "Honey, you might wanna come down."

"Hell no!" yelled Kyushana. "You didn't tell me that Mr. Popo is coming! You know how me and the Uzumaki clan are afraid of him, and that's saying something given I'm a freakin biju!"

"Oh come now," waved off Mr. Popo. "It was just one time. So I may have challenged the entire clan to a fight."

"You bitched-slapped every single one of us! I was hospitalized for a week!" countered the Uzumaki founder.

"Well sorry about that," apologized Mr. Popo, before turning toward Alucard. "I made an interesting deal today. Your grandson traded two maggots souls to resurrect two human beings."

"Really!?" shouted Alucard as he gave his signature laugh. "Hahahahahaha! That's my grandson! Next thing you know, he'll start summoning demonic animals and shit."

"He sure is," agreed Mr. Popo as he took a swing of his sake. The two immortal buddies continued to drink sake as Kyushana stayed on the ceiling in fear.

* * *

(Some time later)

It took some time but they made it. Team 7 and Team Zabuza plus Kasumi were already at Konoha. They enter the front gates, showed some ID, yada yada yada, and were making their way toward the Hokage tower. They enter the building, go for Minato's office, but instead of meeting Naruto's dad, they saw Mikoto doing paperwork. "Mom? What are you doing in the hokage's office?" asked Sasuke.

Mikoto looked up and smile. "Oh, Jiraiya was caught peeking a Kushi-chan at the hot springs and Minato insisted on _taking care of him._ He asked to cover for him and, well, here I am!"

"Well, in that case, team 7 reporting to say mission accomplished, though it bumped up from a C-rank to a A-rank. Also, Zabuza, the demon brothers, and these two Yuki members wishes to join Konoha," stated Kakashi.

"Okay, though the five of them are gonna have to go through a lot of paperwork before they can become shinobi of Konoha," explained Mikoto.

"Actually," piped in Haku. "I was never registered as a Kiri shinobi."

"Oh, that makes things easier!" Mikoto grabbed a piece of paper, wrote something, then stamped it. "Congratulations, um..."

"Haku."

"...Haku! You are now a registered ninja for Konoha! Your new team is team 8, and your sensei is Kurenai Yuuhi." Team 7 did a double take upon hearing this piece of information.

"Wait a minute," interrupted Hinata. "Why team 8?"

"Sakura is no longer in the shinobi program." explained Mikoto.

Naruto whistled at this. "Damn."

"Yeah, so anyways, I will set up a council meeting and we'll decided for these guys if they can join or not. If I were you, I would take Haku and take her to her new team."

"We're on it!" agreed Sasuke as he grabbed Haku and took her outside. Naruto and Hinata chuckled as they followed the two.

(Time skip)

It has been some time since Team Zabuza joined Konoha. The demon brothers were given chunnin status, Zabuza and Kasumi were jonins, and Haku was part of Team 8. Needless to say, Kurenai, Shino, and Kiba (plus Akamaru) were very happy to have a replacement for Sakura. Since the ice girl already had some prior training, team 8 was able to catch up from behind team dynamics.

Anyways, team 7 were at their designated training ground, doing some training. Sasuke was practicing some A-rank fire jutsus Itachi had taught him, Hinata is practicing her Jyuken stuff, Kakashi is reading porn, and Naruto is having a standoff against a shadow clone that was holding one of his pistols.

"Draw!" they both yelled as they aim their pistols at each other and fired.

_Bang!_

_Bang!_

"Naruto-kun, are you really so bored you are having duels against yourself?" asked Hinata.

"Yeah," answered Naruto as he started reforming his head that was blown off. As this was happening, Kushina showed up, and she looked piss beyond words. Kakashi looked up from his book.

"Ah, Kushina, what can we do for y-," he never finished his sentence as Kushina punched him to the ground. "What was that for?!"

"Do you have any idea what today is!" yelled Kushina. Kakashi thought for a while, and paled when he realized what today was.

The chunnin exams. Oh shit.

"Uh, I can explain!" frantically pleaded the sharingan user...

_Wham!_

...only to start flying away in the air thanks to Kushina's punch.

"And that is only the beginning," the Uzumaki growled before turning toward the remains of team 7 and handed them slips."Here, sign this quickly so my husband can process them."

"What are they?" asked Hinata as she finished signing her form.

"Entry forms for the Chunnin Exams," answered Kushina.

"When is it?" asked Sasuke.

"Today."

Faster than an Akimichi in a all you can eat buffet and Maito Gai's flames of youth, all Kushina could see was the three silhouettes of team 7 in smoke.

* * *

"SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT...!"

These were the words spewing out of Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata as they ran insanely fast toward the academy, hoping to make it in time. They smashed everything in their paths, from a cart of fruits to stores with expensive items. After about 25,000,000,000 yen in damages (something that will cost them a lot of missions, mostly S-ranks) the trio finally made it to the academy, where the Chunnin exams are taking place. They ran inside the building, ran up the stairs that leads to the third floor, and finally found the room they were suppose to be. They were about to enter until Naruto stopped them.

"WAIT!" he yelled. Hinata and Sasuke stopped and turned toward the blond vampire/fox/human hybrid. "Let's go inside in style!"

"Bitchin," agreed Sasuke, Hinata doing the same.

"Allow me," said Hinata as she walked toward the doors. She lifted one of her legs and proceed to kick the doors.

* * *

"Has anyone seen Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata?" asked Choji. The rookie nine (minus team 7 and Sakura, plus team Gai and Haku) were at the waiting room with various teams from other villages.

"They better not be late," said Kiba. "Those three are the main attraction!"

"Wasn't their sensei Kakashi Hatake?" asked Tenten.

"It is," answered Neji. "If what Gai-sensei told us, the man has the habit to be very late."

"Wouldn't be a surprise if those three picked up his habit of being tardy," stated Shikamaru.

"Well, they should at least-" Ino never got the chance to finished when the doors to the room were kick opened, ripping them out from the hinges, causing them to sail across the room and crashed onto a wall. Every single person turned had their jaw hanging seeing a girl with a lavender police girl outfit who just kicked the door away with a smug grin. Behind her was a raven hair boy and a blonde hybrid with the same smug grins. The girl cleared her throat and spoke to the crowd. It didn't take a genius to know who they were.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! TEAM 'FUCK-MOTHERING' SEVEN HAD ENTER THE BUILDING!"

Oh yeah, Naruto Namikaze-Uzumaki, Sasuke Uzumaki-Uchiha, and Hinata Hyuga are here to kick some ass.

* * *

(Omake- How the Uzumaki clan feared Mr. Popo)

_Some time ago..._

"Hey Mikoto?" spoke Minato as soon as he came back from beating up Jiraiya. Mikoto looked up from her paperwork (damn them).

"Yeah?" said the Uchiha Matriarch.

"Have you noticed something weird with Kyushana?"

"Come to think of it, there was something wrong with her when I saw her earlier today. She looked like she just saw her nightmare. She also mentioned a Mr. Popo, whatever that is," pondered Mikoto. "Maybe Kushina can explain to us?" Minato wave her off on this.

"Our wife isn't available at the moment. She is currently chasing Kakashi at this moment." he answered. Mikoto sighed before realizing something.

"Wait a moment!" she exclaimed. "Wasn't there two members of the Uzumaki clan in the village right now?"

"Oh yeah," replied the blonde kage, as he remember two certain snow foxes. "Koga and Yuki. Maybe they can explain to us whats wrong with their clan head."

"Quickly, to the ramen stand!"

(insert spinning batman logo)

Meanwhile, at the bat ca- i mean, ramen stand...

"Teuchi wasn't kidding when he said you Uzumakis are bottomless pits when it comes to ramen," teased Kurenai as she watches Koga downing his twentieth bowl of ramen. Koga looked up at her as he slurped a noodle.

"Pshh, you should see Yuki. She can chow down thirty. Lady Kushina can eat fifty bowls. As for Lady Kyushana... we still haven't figure it out." he said.

"Where does it all go?" Kurenai said astonished.

"Sorry, clan secret," smirked Koga. After a few moments, they were approached by Minato and Mikoto. "Ah, Kushina-sama's husband and wife. How can I help you two?"

"Koga," started Mikoto. "Something's strange with Kyushana and we feel if you might know something."

"Alright, shoot." he complied.

"She looked like hell, almost as if she saw the devil himself." explained Minato, only for Koga to scoff.

"Ha, those two are friends, trust me. I seen them being all buddy buddy. Also, for future references, the devil is actually female."

"Really? Huh, small world. What about Kami?" asked Kurenai.

"We don't know," spoke Yuki, walking alongside with Mizuki. They were taking a walk when they saw the group and couldn't help but join in. "If what Alucard told us is correct, it is currently some little green dude from space."

"Hey sis," waved Koga. "These two are trying to figure out what's wrong with Kyushana-sama."

"Oh, I was wondering about that," said the small busty fox.

"She also mentioned a Mr. Popo. Does that help?"

"WHAT!?" yelled the siblings, shocking them. "THAT...THAT...MONSTER IN DEMON SKIN IS HERE!?"

"Hold up!" shouted Mizuki. "Who's Mr. Popo? You two sound like he's a walking apocalypse or something."

"That term does not even come close to describing him," corrected Yuki, attempting to hide by jumping over the ramen counter.

"Can you at least tell us why Kyushana is afraid of him?" asked Mikoto. Koga looked at everyone and sighed.

"Alright. It all started thousands of years ago, before Alucard even met Lady Kyushana..."

(Flashback no Jutsu!)

Uzushiogakure, home of the Uzumaki clan. To the outside world, they appear as SSS-rank seal masters where even newborns can do it. To those who actually knows them, they are SSS-rank Seal masters that are foxes from the demonic realm. Despite the fact they are demon foxes, they are actually peaceful, and nobody tries to attack them for any reason.

Until _he_ came...

Currently, there is a banquet happening right now. Here, rows of tables aligned to each other, each table housing 20 members of the Uzumaki clan. In case anyone's asking, there are currently around a thousand members now. In the front of these members was a small table, where lady Kyushana is seen sitting, eating ramen. To both her sides were two of the clan's strongest members, Koga and Yuki, both wearing standard Uzumaki armor. "Lady Kyushana," spoke Yuki. Kyushana stopped eating and looked at the loli sized kitsune. "Permission to speak freely?"

"Granted," nodded Kyushana.

"Something's coming," Yuki said seriously.

"She's right," confirmed Koga. "It's power is insanely high. I'm afraid to say that it is even stronger than you."

"I was afraid of that." somberly said Kyushana as she cleared her throat, earning her the entire clan's attention. "Attention everyone! I know all of you felt the enormous power spike as of now. Be on your guard, for we don't know who the person is."

"Bitch, you got that right!" yelled Mr. Popo from the middle of the banquet. This cause alarm to the entire clan, making them jumping out of their tables and in front of their clan leader to protect her.

"Who the fuck are you!" ordered one of the members.

"Mr. Popo."

"Well, Mr. Popo," snarled Kyushana. "Any reason why you interrupted my banquet?" To say she was pissed was an understatement. This being had the gall to interrupt the ceremony while she was enjoying her steaming bowl of ramen. RAMEN! No sane being was stupid to come between an Uzumaki and his/her ramen.

"Oh nothing, just bitch slapping all the maggots I see." smiled Mr. Popo. His answer caused many of the members to growl at him.

"Are you mocking us!?" yelled Yuki.

"Yes."

"Well fuck you! Everyone, attack him!" she ordered. Every members rushed toward the black genie, but before any of them reach him.

"**Popo no Jutsu**." said Mr. Popo. One member attempted to punch the genie to the face, but by some act of unholy force, he ended up punching himself in the face, shocking every one.

"The hell was that?!" yelled Koga.

"**Popo no jutsu. **All attacks are useless as they should know better than to attack me," explained Mr. Popo, as two more members try to attack him by swords, only for those swords to somehow appear in their stomachs.

"Useless you say?" scowled Kyushana. She lifted her handed up and on her palm was a kanji that said 'revert'. "What if I take away said attack?" She shunshin in front of Mr. Popo and slammed her hand on the ground in front of him. "**Revert!**" She never noticed Mr. Popo lift up his hand.

_Slap!_

All was quiet as every Uzumaki witness their leader being sent across the yard and crashing onto a wall. All of them couldn't believe that Lady Kyushana could be attack in that way! "LADY KYUSHANA!" yelled both Yuki and Koga as they both turned to snarled at Mr. Popo, who in turned continued to smile at them. "You bastard!"

"Hah!" laughed the dark genie. "Tell you what. On my next attack, I will only use one move. How's that?"

"FUCK THAT!" yelled the snow siblings as Chakra began to overflow them. Their kitsune features such as their whiskers and fangs began more feral looking as their chakra went through the roof!

"He's done it now!," Mr. Popo heard one of the members. "He got Yuki and Koga to go feral! Nothing ever survived that!" That member was rewarded with one of Mr. Popo's slaps.

"Bitch, I never gave you permission to speak," ordered Mr. Popo as he turned and saw Koga and Yuki going 100% feral.

"**TIME FOR YOU TO PAY!"** they both yelled as with great speed, they both appeared in front of Mr. Popo and yelled out, "**HYOTON: ICE SPE-!"**

"Yeah, not happening," was all they heard before they were taken out by Mr. Popo's bitch-slapping hands.

(End Flashback)

"Wait, you were taken out by a bitch slap despite the fact you two were feral," said a disbelief Minato. "Wait a minute, what happens when you two go feral?"

"Well," started Yuki. "Our chakra rises ten-fold, our strength increases, and our pain resistance rises so high you need S-rank jutsus for us to feel anything."

"Damn," mused Mizuki.

"I'm shocked that you two are actually personal bodyguards to Kyushana," said Kurenai.

"Wait, what happen after that?" asked Mikoto.

"Well, it turns out we were in a coma for a month before we woke to see the entire clan compound in shambles. Bodie were everywhere, limbs were hanging, and Lady Kyushana was at a random corner muttering something about a pecking order. I'm surprise we're all still alive after that." answered Koga.

"Quick question," said Mizuki. "Is Mr. Popo this high, black, dresses like a genie, and has eyes that stared into the very bottom of your soul?"

"Yeah," replied Yuki. "Why?"

"He's standing behind you two." the chunnin answered. The snow siblings whipped their heads and sure enough, the very being that caused their clan misery was standing right there, smiling.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiii."

Two screams can be heard all over the Elemental nations.


	8. Chapter 8

To say that everyone was stunned was an understatement. One moment, they were all hyped up for the Chunnin exams, the next, this ninja team that consists of a sexy police Hyuuga, a smug looking Uchiha, and a even more smug looking blonde fox hybrid just strolled in, acting as if they own the place.

Oh wait, they do!

"What up, my bitches!" shouted Naruto, smirking at all the idiots in the room who looked pissed at his statement. Meh, not like they can do shit to him. He and his team are fuck-mothering badasses!

"The fuck you called us!?" shouted one of the foreign ninjas.

"Bitches, that's what I called you faggots," answered Naruto. Meanwhile, Sasuke and Hinata made their way toward their friends.

"Hey guys, how's it going?" asked the Uzumaki-Uchiha.

"Oh you know, just waiting around, hoping for this to be over with, still single. You?" said Ino.

"Same thing, and no, I'm not going on a date with you."

"Meh, at least I tried."

"Troublesome," said Shikamaru. "Tell me why am I here again?"

"Chunnin exams," said Choji, eating some chips. "That and your mom threaten you...again."

"Remind me to move out of the house when this is over."

"Okay," agreed Choji, who then turned toward team 8. "How you guys been?"

"Well, we were able to catch up from behind since Haku joined," said Kiba. Akamaru barked in agreement. Shino was about to nod until he sense something.

"I sense something," he said. "Something I haven't felt since..."

"Well, well, well. If it isn't my former team." said a haughty voice.

"Oh son of a bitch," muttered Kiba as the group turned and saw Sakura with two unknown ninjas wearing blank masks. "What the hell are you doing here Haruno? Last I remember, you were dropped from the shinobi program."

"Oh someone offer me a chance to join the program again," smirked Sakura.

"Bullshit. Everyone huddle," said Tenten. Team 7, 8, 9, and Gai huddle together to discuss. "Who wants to bet that some of the corrupted side of the civilian council is responsible?"

"It could also be Danzo," pointed Lee. "His unyouthful ways of attempting to make Naruto-kun's family into weapons could be part of it."

"What are you guys talking about?" spoke Naruto, who just appeared out of nowhere.

"Look over there," pointed Hinata. Naruto looked where his girlfriend pointed and growled.

"How the fuck is she here?"

"Well," explained Neji. "It could be either the corrupted civilian council or Danzo."

"Remind me to piss them off."

"Can you guys keep it down, you're causing a scene." Everyone turned to see a glass wearing, silver hair teen. "I would say you're angering some of the nins here, but the blond one already did that with his outburst."

"I regret nothing," smugly said Naruto. "So who are you?"

"Name's Kabuto Yakushi, and this is my seventh time taking the exam."

"Damn," whistled Kiba. "No offense, but you suck."

"True, but there is a plus to everything." Kabuto reached into his pocket and pulled out a stack of cards. "My time at these exams allowed me to gather information on almost anyone."

"Really?" said Sakura. "I want info on Naru-baka here, the red head with the gourd, the blonde woman from Kumo, and that green hair girl from Taki."

_'That was awfully specific,'_ thought the teams.

"Okay, first, the red head," said Kabuto as he place chakra onto a card, revealing info. "Name is Sabaku No Gaara. Strength is apparently on his ninjutsu, weak on taijutsu. Seem to have attacks based on sand. It is said that he had been on a B-rank and came out without a scratch."

"Damn," went everyone.

_'Thats Aunt Sunako (Shukaku)'_, thought Naruto.

"Blonde woman is Yugito Nii, shinobi of Kumo. Sorry to say, all I have is her name."

_'Aunt Yumi (Matatabi). Hmm, I wonder if Uncle Raiden (Gyuki) is here.'  
_

"The green hair girl is Fu, shinobi of Taki. For some reason, she resents her village."

_'Aunt Cho (Chomei).'_

"And finally, we have the man himself, Naruto. Hmm...interesting. It says here that he is known as the Maelstorm Fucker and if you wish to see more details, follow him at Twitter on _MaelstormFuckr_."

"Oh yeah, that's Naruto for ya!" laughed Kiba.

"Oi, Kabuto. Know anything about the guys with the sound symbol on their heads?" asked Sasuke, pointing at said team.

"Oh them. Don't worry, they're just minor shinobi." waved off Kabuto. Unfortunately for the glasses-wearing boy, the sound team heard him.

"Minor, he says?" growled Dosu. He turned to two of his teammates, Kin and Zaku. "Let's show him how minor we are."

His two teammates nodded in agreement and in mere moments, the trio were heading straight toward Kabuto. Zaku was the first one to reach them and jumped in order to strike. Unfortunately for him, Ino noticed him and delivered a punch to him. Unfortunately for Zaku, there was one teensy little problem...

_Crack!_

...Ino aimed a little _down low._

"Sweet Kami!" squealed the sound nin with a very, very high pitch voice as he fell to the ground and clutched his injured balls. Every single male in the room winced and protectively covered their balls. They can only pity the sound who at the moment was praying for some kind of miracle.

"My dick!" squealed once again Zaku. "I never thought it'll be possible to feel this much pain by one punch!"

(Meanwhile)

Vegeta was training as usual against Kakarot until he stopped and looked over the horizon. Goku saw this and took initiative. "Hey best buddy! Whatcha looking at?"

"I sense something," answer Vegeta. "Someone out there had suffered. The kind that I too had suffered. The kind that causes us to be looked down in shame and to deal with it for the remainder of our lives. I don't know who this person is, but he has my condolences."

"Are you talking about the time Cooler and his clones punched you in the dick 100 times...from each clone?"

"I'MA FUCKING KILL YOU!" yelled Vegeta. Unfortunately for the (former) prince of all saiyans, Goku actually acted smart for once and disappeared via teleportation. "Son of a bitch! Damn Kakarot pissed me off so bad, I don't have anyone to release my anger on!"

"Hey Vegeta, how ya doing?" spoke Krillin, appearing out of nowhere.

"Congratulations, Nappa #2! You just won the lottery!"

"Wahoo! Um, so what do I win?"

"PAIN!"

"What are you-? Wait, what are you doing with your fiiiiisssssssssssssssstttttttttts- HOLY BLACK ON A POPO!"

_Krillin Own Count: Higher than the number of filler episodes from every anime  
_

(Back to the story)

"Seriously Ino? Was that really necessary?" scolded Haku. Ino turned and gave her a sheepish grin.

"Oi, I panicked and just gave a punch! How should I know I was about to bust his balls?"

"Just...don't do that again."

"No promises." Just as Ino finished speaking, doors from the opposite side of the room were smashed opened and revealed to be Ibiki.

"Alright you little fuckers, I want quiet over here! No fighting unless told so by the proctors. I don't want weak shinobi blood all over my nice classroom." he shouted to all in the room.

"Sorry, we were just excited about the exams," spoke Dosu.

"Really? You might want to explain that to your teammate on the ground, unless he wants to have his balls busted again," smirked Ibiki. Zaku paled and immediately got up from his spot.

"I'm okay!" he pleaded.

"Whatever. Everyone, get your asses in the classroom!" ordered the torture specialist. Everyone complied and enter the room he specified. Given that the room is in the academy, they all expected it to be a classroom. What they did not expect was being inside a dark room with some kind of symbol on the ground and someone across the-

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!" shouted one of the nins.

"Everyone," spoke Ibiki. "Normally I would have had you do a written test, but something tells me that at least half of you are dumber than what my friend here calls, 'Goku'. Instead, you'll be doing something similar to a survival test, with the survival rating of 1% with a 99% chance of pissing and shitting your pants at the same time, and that's me being assuring. If that happens, you'll have to do the second portion of the exam in the nude. Let me introduced you to my new friend and associate, Mr. Popo."

"Hello maggots," spoke Mr. Popo. "Before we get started, I will lay down the pecking order. There's you, the dirt, the worms inside the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, and Popo. Any questions?"

"Yeah, what the fuck does that have to do with-" The nin from a foreign village never finished his sentence as Mr. Popo covered the distance between him and the maggot and bitch-slapped the idiot out the classroom.

"As I said, any other questions," restated Mr. Popo. Nobody moved a muscle, not willing to risk a bitch slap. "Good, now to start your test. BYE!"

"Wait, wha-"

_Fwoosh!_

Before the maggot finished what he was about to say, everyone disappeared in a blinding pillar of light. Ibiki and Mr. Popo were left alone in the room.

"So," spoke Ibiki. "Wanna get smash and get some bitches?"

"Bitchin."

(Meanwhile, at an dislocated place)

"Is everyone okay?" shouted out Naruto. The entire team contestants had found themselves in some kind of territory that could be used in a post apocalypse movie or game or a...

"Where are we? New Orleans?" said one of the random maggots.

"WOAH!" yelled Team 7, 8, 9, and Gai all together. "Dude, too soon."

Meanwhile...

"Hey Russel," spoke a mysterious voice. "Check it out! More visitors!

"Let's kill 'em!"

"Ugh! Do not make me repeat myself. We're evil, I get it!"

Back to the group...

"Why do I have the distinct feeling we are so screwed in this place," spoke Neji.

Before anyone could answer that question, one random nin got grabbed by the legs and was dragged underground.

"HELP ME!"

"Do we have to?" whined Naruto, only to get whacked on the head by Hinata. "Fine."

Unfortunately, the random nin was already getting a beating of the lifetime. This includes gettings his arms broken...

"MY ARMS!"

...his legs twisted...

"MY LEGS!"

...his back busted, Dark Knight style...

"MY BACK!"

...and worst of all, getting visited by someone from the IRS.

"NOOOOOOOOO! I need one week more to file my taxes! Please spare me!"

Interestingly, the last one cause more damage than the others combined.

"Visited by the IRS," spoke Haku, shivering about being visited by those guys. "Good thing I already file my taxes and that my mom is technically still dead in legal terms."

"Amen," said everyone present.

"Oh kami," whined the nin. "I don't think it can get much worse!"

"**HI."**

"HELP ME!"

(2 hours later)

After shooting around 50 bottles of sake and being surround by nothing but hookers, Mr. Popo and Ibiki returned to the testing classroom. "Well, that was fun. Shame we have to end the test now."

"Meh, I do that every Tuesday." shrugged Mr. Popo. "POPO!" A blinding light appeared and what now stood in front of them was the chunnin participants. To say they were scuffled was an understatement. They look like as if they had been in every Michael Bay in existence... TWICE!

"Oh dear kami we're alive!" cried Ino.

"Never, had I ever experience such hell," spoke Neji, with horror written on his face.

"Everything I said about being the alpha in this exam, I take it all back!" muttered Kiba. "I just want to live through it."

"Congratulations, you have passed the first test. You must be happy," spoke Mr. Popo.

"I don't feel happy," said someone.

"But I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're going back," smiled Mr. Popo.

"What?" weakly said everyone.

"Bye!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" was the last the thing said from the class before returning to their hell.

"Just out of curiosity, where did you send them?" asked Ibiki. Mr. Popo looked at him and gave only one answer.

"I'll tell you where they're not... _safe._

(Omake- A blast from the past)

Alucard was currently in bed with Kyushana after performing what Alucard would say, _Le sexy times!_ "This is the life," grinned Alucard as if he had won the superbowl... or caused destruction.

"You said it," smiled Kyushana. A beeping noise was made from a small mobile device own by Alucard, which revealed to be a Android smart phone with 1000 terabytes of memory. Legend says that all of that 1000 terabytes of memory are filled with nothing but porn of all categories, but that was just a legend.

Only 999 terabytes are filled with porn. The remaining terabyte is filled with illegally downloaded movies.

Alucard picked up his phone and answered in a suave voice, "_Hell-o."_

"_ALUCARD!_"

Said vampire had to move his phone away from ear from the loud yell. Kyushana took notice and became concerned. "Who is it?"

Alucard sighed as he place his phone again, "My ex-boss figured out my cell number. I'm surprise it took her this long." he then spoke to the phone. "Hey, Integra! How you been?"

"_Don't give me that crap! Where the hell have you been?!_"

"Oh, I was in Japan."

"_Japan?! I thought you were in Brazil!_"

"I was, but that was after I hit the jackpot in the casinos so many times I got the Crist Redeemer as a prize."

"_I'm...not going to ask about that. Anyways, why haven't you reported back in?_"

"I was on a short break."

"_...for twenty years?_"

"Yeah."

"_What could be so important that you have to skip out on work?_"

"I'm enjoying family time here." There was silence at the other end for a moment.

"_What._"

"Yeah, I posted it on Twitter. I have a fox demon with the biggest tits you'll ever see as my wife, my adorable little hell spawn that is my daughter, who is married to a man and a woman, and not to mention her little hell spawn that is my grandson who is my very liking when it comes to being an asshole against dumbasses. How does that sound?"

"_...why am I not surprise you'll find a woman with big breasts to be your wife._"

"Speaking of big tits, how's the police girl doing?"

"_She's fine, although she is getting floored from going killing zombies because someone didn't reported in!_"

"Couldn't you have the frenchie do it? Or even Walter?"

"_You're serious, right? Pip died protecting the manor while Walter died in the zeppelin. Did you also forgot that Walter also turns out to be a agent for Millennium?"_

"Oh, I knew that from the beginning since I knew him. I didn't kill him because he understands me."

"_Oh fuck you._"

"Speaking of which, how is your sexual relationship with the police girl. Fondling those tits of hers?"

"_What the-? I do not have sexual relations with Seras!_"

"So that time with her sucking your blood?"

"_I only did it to suppress her violent side._"

"What about the second time...in your lingerie?"

"_SHUT UP AND GO TO HELL!_" _Click._

Alucard could only smirked as his ex boss hanged up. "Heh, I knew it."

* * *

Integra could only rubbed her temples as she tried to process all the information. For twenty, Alucard had been in Japan this whole time and was not in England nor Brazil. To think, she was looking for the bastard vampire in the wrong places this whole time! She needed a drink.

At the moment, a certain big titted police girl entered the scene. "Sir Integra? Is something wrong?

"Yes, I found Alucard." answered her boss/lover. "It turns out he was in Japan with his family."

If Seras was drinking anything she would have did a spit take. "Wait, master is with his what?"

"A wife, his daughter, and also a grandson who is sadly just like him."

"Ooh, two masters, that doesn't sound good." winced Seras. Integra only nodded in agreement.

"Yeah I know. As if one wasn't bad enough, now we have to deal with two." The two were silent for moment until Seras broke it.

"So what now?" Integra thought for a moment before giving an answer.

"Pack your bags Seras, we're going on a little trip to Japan."


	9. Chapter 9

After experiencing hell for the second time of the day, the entire chunnin participants finally survived and are now located near the borders of the forest of death. Interestingly, there are no proctors there to greet them "Oi, where the fuck are the proctors?" called out Naruto.

"Shut up gaki, I just got here," spoke up Anko, who really just got there. "Anyways, welcome to the second part of the Chunnin exams. This is training ground 44, otherwise known as the Forest of Death. Your objective here is to make it to the center of the forest where a tower is located. Once you reached there, you can rest until the test is over. Here are the rules: there is a 5 day limit, all three members of your team must still be alive in order to pass, and you are not allowed to leave the forest during the test. You got that?"

"What about food?" asked Choji.

"As Bear Grylls once said, better drink your own piss." answered Anko, many of the genins looking green at that comment. She then pulled out a stack of papers from her trench coat. "Also, sign this waiver which says that we at Konoha are not responsible for your death by accident, full frontal battles, or that Alucard and/or Mr. Popo might kill you just for the heck of it. Please note that if you were killed by the last part, you _will_ be laughed at for your stupidity for fighting them. Please sign here."

"Things just got bit more fun," smirked Sasuke as he signed his waiver.

"Not gonna lie here guys," spoke Tenten. "But if the other teams actually die by fighting Mr. Popo or Naruto's grandfather, I'm going to laugh real hard."

"Here here!" chirped Haku as she finished signing her waiver.

"Okay, you guys finished signing?" asked Anko as she took the last waiver. "Good, now get to your assigned gates and be prepared for the signal!"

"Soooooo," started Kiba. "Wanna place some bets?"

"50 yen says the moment the test starts, Naruto, Hinata, and Sasuke will pulled out their guns and scared the shit out of the other applicants into quitting." betted Ino.

"75 says a team will immediately get themselves bitched-slapped by Mr. Popo." wagered Haku.

"100 says a team would in the same place Alucard would be when he is taking a walk." spoke Choji.

"150,000 says all three of above happens," said Tenten."

"Oh, we'll take that bet."

"Is every single one of you brats ready!?" yelled Anko.

There were plenty of nods.

"You will now fucking begin!"

What happened will considered as the day where nearly 50% of the competition had either dropped out or were mercifully beat up to the point that Dr. House wouldn't able to save them. It was also as the day that Tenten became rich.

First off, the moment when the gates to the Forest of Death opened, Team 7 had pulled out their respective weapons and started firing them at the opposing teams as bullshit as possible. Many have fallen that day, well they're still alive but they had fallen. While that was happening, the teams that were extremely lucky manage to make there way to the entrances. However, few had barely taken their first step before being bitch-slapped by an unseen force, sending them all, incidentally, the hospital.

The last thing they heard was, "Bitch, I'm smoking pot here!"

The final thing was a bunch of gunshots followed by a bunch of girlish screams which the screamers are not female and follow by a laughter that clearly says he is having a blast.

Needless to say, Tenten was a 150,000 yen richer.

* * *

Team 7 have been running through the forest for the last hour. So far they have not met any of the opposing teams.

"Maybe we shouldn't have fired at the opposing teams," spoke Hinata.

"Yeah, they have been avoiding us like the plague. Not to mention Tenten got rich off of us," agreed Sasuke. Naruto was about to say something but was suddenly blown away from a high power wind jutsu. Sasuke could only blink at this. "For some reason, I feel like a plot twist is coming up and I should protect myself."

"Kukuku, how right you are, Uchiha." Sasuke and Hinata turned and saw a Kunoichi from Kusa standing away from them. "I have been seeking you, Sasuke."

"Damn it Sasuke! It's bad enough you have to attract fan girls, but now you're attracting older women? What's next, Daimyos, kages, and movie stars?" shouted Hinata.

"Oi!" shouted Sasuke is response, "It's not my fault these things happens to me. I mean, I'm flatter and all, but I have a certain type I prefer."

"I know about it. Naruto told me you're a ass man."

"Exactly, and none of the girls at the academy fit that criteria."

"That does explain why you're going for Haku. I've seen her ass, and it's bigger then mine! Although, I still have the biggest chest in the academy."

"Yeah, where else will you find a thirteen year old with D-cup breasts? Tsunade during her genin days?"

"Actually," spoke the kunoichi, "Tsunade was flatter than a A-cup, believe it or not."

"Interesting." said Hinata. "Wait a minute, how do you know about Tsunade?"

"I'll tell you right after I come for my prize," smirked the Kusa-nin as she lounge for Sasuke...

_BOOOOOOOOOM!_

...only to explode into pieces.

Hinata sighed as she reloaded the _Harkonnen. _"Well, that was anti-climatic. I thought she would be, oh I don't know, an S-class nuke-nin or something."

"Ask and you shall receive," spoke a voice. The duo turned and this time they saw a pale skin man across from them. "To think, I nearly was killed by your weapon."

"I know who you are," pointed Sasuke.

Orochimaru smiled as he head this. "Ah, to believe my reputation precedes me that the younger generation knows me. To think that Sensei would actually tell those genin about me."

"Actually," interrupted Hinata, "It was Jiraiya who told us about you. He said and quote, '_Orochi-teme is nothing but a pedo-snake who preys on little boys._'"

Orochimaru's eyes twitched on this statement. _'Note to self: kill Jiraiya, then sensei.' _"Just...get over here so I can kill you and get the Uchiha."

"Why don't you come and make us, 'chi-_chan_!" taunted Hinata.

Orochimaru froze upon hearing that nickname. There was no way those two brats could have made that up on that spot, unless...

"Tsunade told you about that nickname, didn't she?"

"Damn straight."

_'Okay, kill Jiraiya, Tsunade, then sensei.'_ he thought as he took a step forward to strike...

_crunch_

...only to step on some green substance.

"Is...is that pot?" ask the snake summoner.

Sasuke answered for him. "Yeah, nice knowing you." Within moments, Sasuke and Hinata had disappeared from the spot. Orochimaru was confused for a moment before sensing a powerful being right behind him.

"Well well well, look who we have here."

Poor bastard didn't know what hit him.

* * *

Sarutobi looked up from his moment of tea when he heard a girlish scream.

"Sounds like one of my students, but that doesn't sound like Jiraiya when he is caught peeping."

* * *

Sasuke and Hinata had found Naruto a couple hundred meters from their position. Turns out the blond hybrid landed on a enemy team, who coincidentally have the scroll they need. What fucking luck he has.

"So," spoke Naruto, "do we hang around or go straight to the tower."

"Tower," answered Hinata. "I am not in the mood to face the other teams. It makes things boring."

"Good point."

(Cue spinning batman logo)

"Okay, what the fuck are we suppose to do with the scrolls? Open them?" asked Sasuke.

Naruto look pensive for a moment. "Eh, fuck it." He tossed the scrolls on the gorund and smoke came out of it. Kakashi then appeared, reading one of his infamous orange books.

"Hmm?" he hummed as he looked up and saw his team give shit eating grins. "Finish the second test within an hour? Honestly, I'm not surprise anymore, given all the shit that has happen already. Rest up, because you guys are stuck here for five days."

Team 7 blinked before facepalming. "Son of a bitch! We should've stay in the forest and fuck around with the others! Oh well, there's always the elimination rounds." said Naruto.

Kakashi felt pity for the other teams.

(5 days later)

"Congratulations for those passing the second portion of the test, you little pests."

For some reason, Alucard was there greeting the chunnin nominees. Many were wondering where the hell was the Yondaime? Also, Alucard was reading from flash cards.

"Alright, let's see, yadda yadda yadda..._substitution for war...cannon fodder..._bla bla bla..._financial crap...clients from other villages._ Like I give a crap about them. Anyways, normally there would be some kind pre-battles or something, but I paid good money for this shit, so instead every single one of you will have month to prepare for the tournament. But there's more!"

"What else other than the fact that we are nothing more than tools for our village?" asked a random nin.

"Okay, one, shut the fuck up. I'm talking here. Second, this tournament will be recorded on tv." answered the Crimson Fucker.

"So?"

This time, Alucard gave a huge ass grin. "Pay-per-view, live and on screen, directed by the famous director who made _Skygina_ and _Citizen Nappa_."

The results were what he expected.

"HOLY SHIT!"

Oh it was such a treat for him.

"That's right! He will come here and record all of your battles. So all of you better go home and think of some fucking badass moves. Also, think of a badass nickname for yourself. You definitely want to get publicity for this."

"Question," spoke a sickly looking jounin who went by the name of Hayate. "Where's the hokage?"

Alucard turned to him and gave one of his grins. "Well, you know about him. Tied up from work."

(Mean while)

A certain blonde kage was tied up in his office. "Damn it Alucard! Can someone out there untie me?!"

(Anyways)

"Well then, if you need me, I'll be trolling some other poor schmucks." stated Alucard before phasing out.

* * *

When he got home, Alucard was surprise to see his grandson and his friends waiting in front of the house. "Holy black of a Sabbath, how did you guys beat me here?"

"Deus ex Machina," answered his grandson.

"Makes sense," shrugged the Crimson Fucker. "Now, what's going on?"

"Alucard-san," spoke Hinata. "We wish to ask you for further training."

"Oh come on! Isn't your guns overpower enough to make you guys kick ass?"

"We got bored," answered Sasuke.

Alucard facepalmed at this. "Damn. Oh well, I was hoping to save this for a rainy day but what the hell. I can get a friend of mine to teach you a thing or two. Mainly involves blowing shit up and rivaling your enemies with powers that can rival gods themselves, minus my friend of course."

"Gurren Lagann?"

Alucard laughed at this. "HA! Sorry but you guys aren't ready to handle things so awesome they can break the laws of reality."

"That leaves the other option. Who is this friend of yours?" asked Neji.

Alucard simple said two words.

"Mr. Popo."

"Well, we're fucked," groaned Naruto. "Oh yeah, granny says you have visitors. One who looks like a protestant woman with no tits and ass, while the other could possibly be my dad's sister only British and with huge tits."

"Son of a bitch, they found me! Oh well, let's get this over with." groaned Alucard as he went inside. The group could hear him speak. "Hey Integra, Police girl, how you two lesbos been?"

_Bang!_

"Wow," spoke Chouji. "Barely 2 seconds and already he pissed someone off."

"That's was his former boss. I'm surprise she didn't order a hit on him," explained Naruto. "Anyways, where can we find Mr. Popo?"

"Right here maggot." Everyone's heads turned and saw Mr. Popo, smiling as usual. "We're gonna have a fun time."

"I should prepare a will just in case," muttered Ino.

"POPO!"

_Bink_

* * *

_Bink_

"Here we are," said Mr. Popo. "The hyperbolic Time Chamber."

"I feel like we're missing a joke here or something," stated Tenten. "Anyhoo, what do we do?"

"Everyone, we shall now enter," instructed their leader. Everyone complied and entered the HTC. Once inside, they can't help but fear under the sheer room of nothingness! Pure, unadulterated, nothingness!

"It's-It's so empty," uttered Hinata.

"It's void of all life," whispered Neji.

Lee passed out due to the fact that there was no evidence of Youth in there.

Shino showed the most emotion at the time.

He sweated.

Naruto then called for attention. "Okay, if I remember correctly, for every day that happens outside, a year passes here. Though how long we'll be here is up to Mr. Po-"

Whatever 'Mr. Popo' is went lost to words when the whole group was bitch slapped in great distance from their original point. Standing behind was Mr. Popo.

"Shame, barely day one and they weren't ready."

It was going to be a long training regiment.

* * *

**A/N: Greetings, author of the story here! Sorry if the story hasn't been updated in a long, and I mean long, hiatus. My new schedule for college has me pretty much booked for the whole week. I hardly have enough time to write out more Fanfiction. Believe it or not, I almost thought about giving up on this fic, but I decided not to, though I am going to have to change the original ending. The original was going to end at somewhere Naruto was suppose to leave on a 2 (or was it 3?) year trip, but now I am going to change to the end of the Chunnin Exams. The reason is because I am running out of ideas for this story and not to mention losing interest, so I decided to end it at the exams. Even though there is finally a Hellsing Abridged episode 6, I couldn't figure out a way to input some basic ideas into this fic. So yeah, sorry about that.  
**

**Anyways, I actually thought of a new fanfic idea. 3 actually. Though it depends if I have the time or not. These 3 involves Pokemon.  
**

**Idea #1: Crossover between Pokemon and Ouran High School Host Club. (Need a title for this one)  
**

**I'm not talking about anime Pokemon, I'm talking video game-verse. Champion Red and Viridian Gym Leader Blue enrolled in Ouran in order to receive their diplomas. First day and already they are losing opinion on the students. It wasn't until they heard the crash from the third music room where their lives will get very, very complicated. Yes, they will bring pokemon, though it has elements of Pokemon R/B/G, Yellow, G/S/C, and the remakes. Yes, there shall be shipping. Leaf is also involved, though she will not be enrolled since in this story, she already has a diploma.  
**

**Red's team:**

**Pikachu(M), Charizard(F), Blastoise(M), Venusaur(M), Snorlax(M), Lapras(F), Espeon(F)**

**He switches between Lapras and Espeon in every battle and certain intervals, which explained why in G/S/C he has Espeon and yet in HG/SS he has Lapras.**

**Blue's team:**

**Jolteon(M), Exeggutor(M), Alakazam(M), Pidgeot(F), Arcanine(M), Tyranitar(F)**

**Pairings: Red x Haruhi, Blue x ?, Pikachu x Espeon, Charizard x Arcanine, Leaf x ?**

**P.S. Can anyone give me good names for Red's mom? Not to mention a last name as well. Can't have him without one.**

**Idea #2: Pokemon Mystery Dungeons: Red Rescue Team**

**Arceus, having enough of doing work for the past who-knows-how-long, decides to take a vacation, but ends up turned into an Eevee in the middle of a forest while being found by Pikachu. She starts a rescue team with him and would have had a great time, but fate is a bitch and the other legendaries joined her just for the amusement (and to get out of their responsiblities). Comedic with a side of romance. The game story isn't that long, so I might do this one first.**

**Idea #3: How Fairy types got their types, or why you shouldn't piss off a Jigglypuff that draws on you.**

**Remember in the early games you can overkill those Fairy-types using dragon-moves? You can understand how there are new pokemon that are Fairy-types (especially after finding out the new Eeveelution), but why is it that a lot of pokemon ended up with different typing? Well, Arceus has the answer to that and it was by pure accident! (It was all Mew's fault). Meanwhile, Palkia is about to battle against a Jigglypuff but sadly no-mon told him about the new types. One-shot and I definitely will do this.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I had been debating with myself and decided that this shall be the last chapter. Warning! Really long chapter ahead! Also appears rushed. Some references ahead! Also, I suck at writing endings.  
**

* * *

(One month later)

It was a grand day today, for today it is the concluding part of the Chunnin Exams! The stadium where the exams are held are being filled by thousands of people. Daimyos, clients and such are also coming, scoping out potential shinobis to hire. Hell, even the Kages are coming as well, from the Mizukage Mei, to the Raikage A, to the Tsuchikage Onooki, to the _obviously_ fake Kazekage (who is Orochimaru).

All participants of the exams are standing in the middle, from team Sound to team Subaku to team whatever Sakura is in to team se-

Wait a minute, didn't they spend a whole month in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber? Shouldn't those guys be 40?

Oh wait, dragon balls, nevermind.

To the side was a certain bald model/director for a Saiyan. Ladies and Gentlemen, the author proudly presents Nappa.

"Hmm," hummed Nappa as he is positioning the camera. "A little to the left and I should be able to record everything that's happening." He felt someone phasing and turned to see Alucard. "Hey Alucard! Thanks for the tip on this tournament."

"No sweat big guy. After all, who wouldn't watch kids beat the shit out of each other?"

Later...

"Hello, and welcome to the concluding part of the chunnin exams! I'm your host, Nappa!" spoke Nappa to the camera. "Now, let's see the contestants of this match!"

There was a giant ass plasma tv (courtesy of Alucard) that started choosing the names of the fighters.

Sasuke Uchiha

Uchiha's Fire

"Simple, yet effective," mused the Uchiha as he walked toward the battle grounds.

Yoroi

Touches people

"I'll kill whoever wrote that," darkly muttered Yoroi as he went down as well.

"Okay, is both sides ready?" called out Nappa. Both nodded. "BEGIN!"

_WHAM!_

It was over when Sasuke gave a simple punch to Yoroi, who flew toward the sky and disappeared. "Wow how anti-climatic! BORING! I wanna see some real action!" jeered Nappa.

"Not my problem that guy was weak," Sasuke as he went back toward the stands. He looked up to see who else is fighting.

Ino Yamanaka

Sexy

"Seems about right," agreed Ino.

Chouji Akamichi

Kirby's best friend

"I accept that statement," said Chouji.

"Can both fighters come down?" called out Nappa. When the two came, he continued, "BEGIN!"

This time, there is a battle. Chouji and Ino exploded forwards and started blamming punches and kicks with enough force to level a mountain, which wasn't surprising given on _who _was the one that trained them. The audience was awed at such power they were wondering of they were even humans.

Surely the rumblings of the ground moving is obvious.

The battle ended when Ino grabbed Chouji by the arm and threw him out the ring. Unfortunately for her, Chouji used his family jutsu to expand his arm and sucker puched Ino out as well, leading to a double knock-out. This time, Nappa was pleased with results.

"Now this is money well spent," he said. "We got a double knockout!"

The crowds roaring cheers tells him he is gonna have high ratings.

The screen showed the next fighters.

Gaara no Subaku

Master of Sand-Fu

Gaara stayed quiet as he sunshin toward the field. He looked up to see his opponent.

Kabuto Yakushi

He has Yu-gi-oh cards

"I take them out one time and now I never hear the end of it." snarked Kabuto as he went toward the field.

(Meanwhile)

"Lady Kyushana, not to be the one to state the obvious, but isn't that Gaara kid the host to one of your siblings?" asked Yuki.

The matriarch of the Uzumaki turned to her trust bodyguard and answered, "Yes he is. He holds the youngest of the tail beasts, Sunako, otherwise known as Shukaku."

"Isn't she unstable?" asked Koga.

"No, it turns out every other hosts in Suna had crappy seal masters, which lead to crappy seals. I'm surprise Gaara hasn't self-destructed yet. Good thing I offer to fix it, and improve it as well."

The two Hyoton-siblings looked at each other and asked at the same time. "Define _improve_."

(To the Battle)

"Are both sides ready?" called Nappa. Seeing both fighters nodding, he continued. "Okay, BEGIN!"

Without hesitation, Gaara went through a couple of hand signs. As he did this he spoke, "Summoning: SHUKAKU!"

(To his siblings)

What the fuck did they just heard?

"Is-is he summoning the Shukaku!?" yelled Kankuro.

"He wasn't suppose to use it yet!" agreed Temari. The siblings watched in horror as Gaara slammed his hand to the ground, initiating the summons. They watch as smoke poofed out...

...and what came out shocked them.

They were expecting a giant one tail tanuki to start rampaging the moment it came out. If it were anything like that Kyuubi woman, they would expect some form of a really busty woman with a tanuki tail.

What they (and everyone else) got was a really adorable looking girl that looks no order than 4.

Did the author forget to mention she has the tail and ears of a tanuki? Not to mention she was for some inexplicable reason wearing a fuku? No? Well now you do.

"Tremble before me, for I am Sunako, the one tail demon! Rawr!" the little Tanuki yelled.

There were a lot of _Aww_s and _Kawaii_s and something similar like that in the stadium.

Meanwhile, Kabuto was mentally thinking this is just attacking his masculinity.

"This is who I'm fighting? Is this even allowed?" he questioned. Sunako did not took that well.

"Shut up and fight me!" she screamed.

Then she started punching him.

(Back to the Uzumakis)

Koga blinked as he process what the fuck just happen. "Did she punched out that guy's blood?"

Yuki could only shake her head. "Apparently, she did."

Kyushana simply laugh her ass off as everyone in the stadium was disturbed of the violent little tanuki beating the shit out of someone who is at least three times her size.

(Field)

Meanwhile Nappa is having a blast of his life as he records every single pain inflicted on Kabuto. "That's right ladies and gentlemen! And Vegeta. What is happening here is all true! What you are seeing is a 4 year old girl beating a 17 year old's ass to the ground! Oh look! She's got explosives! We got a overkill here!"

Despite the psychotic girl doing overkill, the ratings still went up.

(Kabuto)

In complete honesty, he had no idea what's going on anymore. He was suppose to forfeit this match in order to execute his orders from Orochimaru, but this insane little girl prevented him from that. One moment he was standing across Gaara, the next he had his blood _literally _punched out of his body. Now...?

"All around the Kon-'ha village, the ANBU chased the Nuke-nin. The ANBU thought 'twas all in fun-"

...He is currently strapped to a pole with hundreds of paper bombs pasted on him while the insane tanuki girl was hopping around him, singing. They were all connected to wires which are connected to some kind of detonator. Kabuto knew not even his healing factor will save him from this.

_'Ah well, at least I'm going out with a bang. Wait a minute, that sounds like something Deidera would say.'_

"-POP-"

Sunako

Possibly Tiny Tina's inter-dimensional younger sister

Sunako pressed the detonator and Kabuto exploded into gory bits. To save you the details, it wasn't very pretty, unless you're Gaara.

"-goes the Nuke-nin!" sang Sunako.

There were a lot of green faces in the audience.

(Kyushana)

Koga and Yuki gave a look at their clan Matriarch, expecting a answer. Kyushana sighed as she explain. "Okay I don't know how it happen but somehow Sunako traveled across dimensions. The only words I could remember her telling me about it was some place called Pandora, a war with Hyperion, a girl with a explosive fetish, and a tea party. Also, never mention tea party in front of my sister. She tends to get giddy for some reason."

The siblings took note of that as Gaara and Sunako got off the field (the tanuki was saying about Tina being proud or something). The screen flash revealing the next fighters.

Rock Lee

Konoha's handsome green beast

"Yosh!"

Generic Ninja #1

The human condom

"I stretch my limbs for fucks sakes." Yelled that ninja whom the author couldn't remember the name and is too lazy to search it up as he got to the field.

"FIGHT!"

WHAM!

And that guy was no more.

"My opponent wasn't youthful enough to withstand my flames of youth!" cried Lee as janitors tried to mop out the blood.

Haku Yuki

Yukihime

"That's my cue" the ice user said as she sashay to the field. She smirked as she saw Sasuke looking behind.

Meanwhile, Sasuke gulped. "To quote Alucard, I am absolutely throbbing right now."

Zaku

plays with his hands

"Oh Fuck you!" yelled that sound nin as he went to the field.

"BEGIN!"

"**HYOTON: BALL IMPLOSION**!"

Zaku looked confused for a moment before something went _pop_. He had a look of horror as he moved his hands over his crotch...

...and felt _nothing_.

"Oh...my...kami," was all he said before fainting. Every single male within the stadium covered their balls in instinct. In less then a second Zaku had lost what was very important to his male self.

Nappa made his commentary, "Well folks there you have it. That guy will never ever find himself a girlfriend. No balls, no glory. NEXT!"

Neji Hyuga

Looks like a chick

"It's the hair isn't it? Discriminating idiots," muttered said Hyuga.

Shikamaru Nara

Lazy Bastard

"I forfeit. Too troublesome." spoke the lazy Nara.

"Wow, quickest battle ever. NEXT!"

Kin Tsuchi

Dem Bells

"I have the distinct feeling you're not talking about the bells," said Kin as she went down.

Hinata Hyuga  


Sexy Lavender

Hinata simply whistle as she went down the field.

"BEGIN!"

Two seconds later, Kin had her Tenketsu points closed and was sent to the infirmary.

Battles are starting to get one-sided huh?

Tenten

Chun-Li look alike

"I don't see it."

Dosu

Mummy

Dosu simply form fists as he went down the field.

"BEGIN!"

Without hesitation, Dosu exploded forwards, hoping to finish off the girl and avenge his teammates. He lifted his arms to perform one of his sound jutsus...

...only to meet the end of a shotgun barrel.

He paled as Tenten gave him a sadistic grin. "Like it? I got it during my training with Mr. Popo when he told me about guns. He gave me his personal shotgun, saying that he didn't need it anymore. He called it the 'Bitch-Maker'."

She cocked the shotgun and fired.

* * *

"Uh, messy," muttered Nappa as nearly 25 percent of the field were covered in Dosu bits. "And that is why you shouldn't underestimate chicks with guns. They are both sexy and dangerous. NEXT!"

Kankuro No Subaku

Plays with dolls

"They're puppets!" corrected Kankuro.

Kiba Inuzuka

Alpha of the Alphas of the Alphas

Akamaru

Woof

"Well Akamaru, it looks like we'll get to show everyone your new trick," smirked Kiba.

Akamaru barked in agreement.

"BEGIN."

"Time to show you what Suna nins are made of," smirked Kankuro as he prepare to take out crow...

BAM!

...only to explode to bits.

"Probably made out of blood like the rest us," answered Kiba as he lowered his smoking fist. He frown as he look down. "Shouldn't there be blood on the ground?"

"Bitch I ain't dead," yelled out a voice. A shadow appeared over Kiba. The dog user turn but it was too late. He was now trap inside Crow.

"Well, this sucks," he muttered. Kankuro appeared in front of him, smirking.

"Not so tough, are you now?"

"Not really," Kiba shrugged. "You forgot about Akamaru."

"Hah!" laughed Kankuro. "What's the mutts gonna do? Transform into a human?"

"Sorta."

_Poof_

"Partially human."

Kankuro turned around and had his jaw dropped to the ground upon seeing a sex bomb of a female who was wearing a standard jumpsuit which the color scheme bears resemblance to her original form.

"I also found out that Akamaru was female this whole time. Weird, right?"

Kankuro said nothing as the dog-girl leaped at him with sharp claws.

* * *

"Ugh, messy," were the words Nappa spoke as Kankuro dragged himself toward the stands. "Defeated by a bitch, both figuratively and literally! NEXT!"

Shino Aburame

For some reason, the screen didn't displayed Shino's title.

Sakura Haruno

Banshee, 'Nuff said

Pinkette seriously looked like she wanted to maul someone right now.

"BEGIN!"

Battle had barely started before Sakura decided to trash talk. "Hmph, looks like I get to fight one of the demon sympathizers."

Shino for his part didn't even seem fazed. In fact he seemed calm, _too_ calm. "If you were to ask me that 2 months ago, many would have believe you are nothing but a weak pathetic little girl."

"And now?"

"You still are. However, I have come to notice why you act like this. You are blinded by false hatred you held for Naruto's family, am I not correct?" explained the ever stoic Shino. "However, I am here to remedy that. I can show you the truth."

"Shut up! There is nothing truthful about now! You're probably gonna try to convince that Naru-baka is a good guy right? Well I'm not falling for any of that bullshit. He is and always will be demon scum!" Sakura charged with a kunai in her hand, planning to stab the insect user. She made her mark as she stabbed Shino right where the heart is...

...only for it to shatter.

Sakura stared in pale as she saw her weapon break. "But, how?"

Shino said nothing as he started removing the gloves on his hands, which everyone just took notice. "I trained because I am not blinded by lies. You however are. As I said, I am here to remedy that." He fully removed the gloves, exposing the skin of his hands. He lifted one of them up, as if preparing to slap. "Allow me to show you the truth."

Then he struck.

Everything went complete slow motion as the back of his hand connected with Sakura's face. Sakura did nothing as her mind shattered from the force of the slap. Every piece of knowledge she had on the belief of demons and such were destroyed, instead replace with as Shino puts it, the truth. She witness how Naruto was treated no different from his friends and family, how she could have been part of this but her mother had told her not to. Her mother had spread lies about Naturo being evil and such. She had believe every single word because she was her mother but now, looking back, she had come to the harsh truth.

She was a fucking idiot to believe her mom.

The screen changed and it had reveal Shino's true title

Shino Aburame

Possessor of the Ultimate Pimp-Slap

It takes real mad skill to receive such a honor like this, and Shino was christened by Mr. Popo himself.

Truly it was such an honor.

"Never had I seen something so...beautiful." Nappa said as he shed a manly tear. "No amount of models can match this sight!"

Shino simply put his gloves back and turned to his waiting post. Sakura was still in the field with a glaze look in her eyes.

It will take a while but the truth will handle her.

* * *

Orochimaru's eyes twitched as he looked down at the field. Everything he had planned for was going downhill! His sound team were defeated, Kabuto was killed, and the Jinchuuriki of Shukaku is now a little (psychotic) girl! At this point, he was debating on scrapping the invasion just to save face.

It only took him a second to make his decision.

* * *

Everyone in the stadium gaped as the vip box that contains the Kages blew up. The next moment, hundreds of Sound-nins appear out of nowhere and started attacking. Unfortunately for them, Konoha was prepare for this every since Alucard kept fucking around with them. To add salt to the wounds, Suna decided to screw it and double cross the Sound since it was clear that there was no way they can defeat Konoha, not to mention that Gaara was already attacking the Sound ninja so the choice was obvious.

Down below, Neji and Hinata were using their clan jutsu to disable their enemies. Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji were working together defeating the enemies, and by together, this author meant that Ino and Choji were doing the physical work while Shikamaru did the talking. Rock Lee was sprouting speeches of Flames of Youth while kicking enemies meters away. TenTen was having too much fun with her new shotgun as she blast her enemies' heads away. Kiba and Akamaru were shredding their enemies, Sasuke was burning them, Haku was freezing their nuts off, Shino was bitch-slapping them, and Naruto is committing acts of carnage that is too brutal to describe.

Meanwhile...

Orochimaru tsked as he realized that starting was now a terrible idea as he is now facing all the kages in the nations (minus Suna of course). Perhaps he should escape and think of another time to invade.

That plan was shot down as he notice he was being consumed by some form of dark mist. He wanted to scream but for some reason he couldn't. Everyone else could only watch in horror as Orochimaru started to disappeared from their vision.

The last thing they heard was a all too familiar laugh.

* * *

While all of this shit was happening, a sinister yet fashionable criminal organization appeared in the middle of the stadium field. It didn't take a genius to figure out who they are.

The Espad- I mean Akatsuki. Yeah that one, not to be confused with the other group that had one chick in it.

Oh wait, they both have one chick.

"Remember, secure the jinchuurikis. We will use the invasion to divert their attention away from us." ordered Pein.

"And why the fuck should we do that! I want to sacrifice all these hethens to Jashin!" cursed Hidan. He had his head cut off courtesy of Konan.

"That's why."

"Bitch," muttered the Jashin priest.

"Pein, I believe that man might know where they are," spoke Konan, pointing toward a certain bad man.

The entire group turned and blinked. "Uh, isn't that the director Nappa?" asked Zetsu.

"Maker of the movies _Skygina _and _Citizen Nappa_?" asked Kisame.

"The man who made billions in just two movies alone," inputed Kakuzu, yen signs appearing in his eyes.

"The man who created art in his films than any other films combined?" joined Sasori and Deidera.

"The fucker who got bitches all around," joined Hidan.

"The man who is considered a god in the movie productions," Pein finished. The males of the criminal organization looked at each other and came to a decision.

They had to get rid of him. He is a danger to their goals. Not to mention, making them look bad.

Meanwhile, Madara (as Tobi) is wondering why the hell is this guy dangerous?

To the side, Konan ignore this as she slice up enemy nins.

As the Akatsuki approach the director, Nappa saw them and panicked. "Oh god, it's the FCC!"

"The what now-?"

_BOOM!_

And then Nappa flicked his fingers up.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a far away city...

Vegeta was currently enticing in one of his common pass times...

"Earth woman! The Gravitational Training pod exploded again!"

...arguing with his wife/sex partner/the woman who was him by the balls.

"Oh my fucking Dende, again?!" cursed the blue hair scientist as she gather her tools...again. "It's the tenth time that happened..._today_. Couldn't you just train in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber with Trunks?" she asked.

"Bulma, that may been the greatest idea you ever had." Vegeta praised.

Bulma blushed. "W-wow, this may be the first time you complimented me-"

"I'll go get the baby and we'll head over now."

"OH FUCKING HELL NO!"

Vegeta tsked as he looked away from her. "Bitch, taking away all my fun." He noticed an explosion coming from a long distance. "The hell?"

Bulma saw the explosion and wondered, "Hey Vegeta, that looks like the explosion that happened when you first came here. Didn't you say that your partner did that?" She noticed that Vegeta was now ignoring the explosion. "Vegeta?"

What she didn't was that Vegeta is repressing the memory of not the explosion but Nappa. "You are mistaken woman, I came to this planet alone." and with that, he left.

Bulma blinked before she face palmed, "He's repressing Nappa memories again, isn't he?"

* * *

Back in Konoha...

Konan had her jaw dropping as the giant explosion disintegrated her fellow members into oblivion (and everything else in the stadium). She had once thought that if they were going to die, it will in war against the nations, not by one man.

Nappa, meanwhile, was put in an awkward position. "Ah, I hate awkard silences." He pull out a card and hand it to Konan. "My card, Miss."

Konan was still gaping as she sees Nappa flying with his equipment. Looking at the card she was given, she read the contents.

_**Saiyan Productions**_

_Nappa_

She blinked before ripping it to shreds. "You know what, screw this. I'm going back to Ame, pick up Nagato, and tell him that this plan is a lost cause and leave it to these idiots to simply die out." With her new resolve, she disappeared in a flash of paper.

* * *

The invasion was quickly coming to an end. Somehow, the news that Orichimaru had died from out of nowhere (the Kages refused to disclosed information under fear). However, that didn't stop some sound nins from killing. Fortunately, 6 people had taken it to handle these enemies while at the same time, keep conversation.

"You were once under Alucard's wing?" asked Yuki as she formed a icicle spear and impaled a Sound-nin. "And you were once his boss."

"I was," answered Sera as her arm formed into darkness slashed a lot of enemies."He was the same as he is today."

"A dick?"

"Yes."

"As for being his boss," answered Integra as she shot a couple sound-nins with her pistol. "There are times that I wish I had died instead of awakening him."

"That tough huh?" spoke Mizuki as he threw his Fuma Shruiken to an unsuspecting enemy. "You know, Konoha wasn't always this crazy. It was a normal shinobi village like others, at least until Alucard came along."

"Oh yeah," interrupted Koga, "Try this one. Alucard marrying your clan leader and having to put up with him for decades."

"Ouch," winced Kurenai. "I would not fancy that in my life. Everything from this point is just gonna be like that right."

Clouds form on their heads.

"You know," spoke Yuki, "Konoha started doing Alucard insurance. Perhaps we should invest into that?"

The group were seriously considering on doing that.

* * *

Hours later...

It was finally done. The invasion was stopped and Konoha is still standing.

Unfortunately, it's condition spoke differently.

At one instance, some idiot thought they could try to kidnapped Kyushana as their, ahem, _sex slave_. One Nine-tails transformation later and most of the northern section of Konoha was is ruins.

At another event, Alucard decided it will be funny if he released into his level 0 state. Naruto had joined in as well. The eastern Konoha was literally covered in blood and fear. Mostly blood.

At another part, A sound-nin actually manage to get hold of Yuki and threaten to rape her. Koga made a crack about the nin being a pedophile due to Yuki's height resembling a 10 year old. One sibling fight later, the western section was now a frozen tundra.

In the southern section, Gaara had left Sunako alone to her devices as he killed more sound-nins. Somewhat in her little girl form, Sunaka spammed Biju-bombs everywhere because she was bored. There was nothing left of the Southern section.

In short, Konoha now looks shitty. Damn.

* * *

Minato could feel a migraine coming up as members of the civilian council were discussing on the aftermath of the war, and by discussing, he meant bitching, and by aftermath of the war, he meant banishing a lot of people.

"Hokage-sama! These scum! These demons! These monsters had destroyed the very proud foundation of what is Konoha!" yelled a random councilman. Minato simply rub his temples along with Mikoto as Kushina simply giggle at all the drama. The Uzumaki looked to the side at said 'Scum, Demons, and Monsters.'

Naruto and Hinata were currently tongue-hockey each other, Sasuke was keeping conversation with Haku, Shikamaru was asleep along with Ino and Chouji because this meeting is pointless, Kiba was so bored with this meeting that he is actually reading a book along with Akamaru, Lee was spilling Youth speeches, Tenten was currently maintaining her new shotgun, Neji was getting an awkward boner just staring at her, Koga and Yuki were having one of their sibling arguments, Alucard was groping Kyushana and vice versa without shame, and Shino was currently reading off a bible and teaching the newly reformed Sakura about acceptance and such.

Gaara was suppose to be there as well but he has been around plenty of corrupted councilmen to know how this will end.

Meaning, shitty and pointless.

Shall we carry on?

"We should do something about it!" yelled another member. Minato was about to consider mass genocide on the civilian council until he thought of a idea.

"I know what to do," spoke Minato. The councilmembers looked up, thinking they had won, only to shattered when he continued, "ANBU, get rid of the council."

Momemts later, there were no more civilian members left. The only evidence was the blood on the ground. Minato sighed and turned to everyone else. "Everybody, get the hell out of here. We're in for a long time if we are gonna repair Konoha."

Long story short, it really was a long time.

(Epilogue)

Ten years was how long it took, but Konoha is finally back to its formal glory. Not only that but some things happened. Nothing big of news.

Naruto succeeded his father and became the 5th Hokage. Originally it was suppose to be Tsunade, but the blonde busty woman denied when she found out she had to do paperwork. Naruto married Hinata, who became the Hyuga clan head after abolishing the cage seal. All it took was a threat from her husband and viola, no more seal!

Sasuke worked up the balls to ask Haku to be his wife and she said yes. He became clan head after Itachi denied the position. In turn, Haku became the clan matriarch since she is married to him.

The Ino-Shika-Cho trio became the top team in Konoha, succeeding their fathers. However, rumors have it that Ino is dating both Shika AND Choji, at the same time. This gave Inoichi nearly a heart attack.

After he became free from the cage seal, Neji married Tenten. Tenten opened up her own weapons shop, but unlike the one in Konoha, hers is based on guns and such. It has been reported that their first child inherited both the Byakugan and Tenten's mastery of perfect aim. Meaning? Instant sniper skills on all weapons. Tenten couldn't be more proud.

Rock Lee was an interesting case. He beliefs on the Flames of Youth actually ended up started a religion called Youthism. Following this religion requires you to wear green spandex, get a bowl cut, get huge eyebrows, and spoke about Youth at least once every ten minutes.

Kiba became head of the Inuzuka clan and taught the members how to turn their ninkens into humans as well. To save up a long story, relationships between the clan members and their ninkens will grow to the point that in the distant future there will be hybrids and the term 'beastality' will lose all meaning. Not like anyone will argue about it anymore.

Shino decided to spread his teaching of acceptance to the outskirts of Konoha. With his disciple Sakura, they set out to spread the ideals of tolerance and unity. It has been known that there are over 100,000 followers.

Minato and Mikoto are still happily married to Kushina. Nothing changed about them.

Itachi is still in the ANBU. He also married Ayame Ichiraku. Unfortunately, this does not stop fangirls from going after him. Ayame had to threaten them with a knife.

Mizuki and Yuki were going steady until one day Mizuki had popped the question. After marriage, Mizuki had sometimes wonder what will happen if Alucard never came to Konoha. What he didn't know is that he wouldn't be alive today.

It took Kurenai a couple of tries but she finally manage to get Koga to go on a date and not a 'dinner of friends'. Yuki joked that Koga wouldn't know romance if it hit him in the face. This lead to another sibling fight.

Since the invasion, Konan had successfully convinced Nagato to scrap the plan and just rule Ame like normal. It would be later known that Nagato would be seen heading to the pharmacy for some, ahem, equipment. One look at Konan limping and all the answers made sense.

Nappa made trillions after his latest movie, '_Ninja Club'_, hit perfect scores from critics. When Vegeta found out about this, he had another aneurysm.

Alucard and Kyushana took a vacation to explore the world and cause mayhem. The last time anyone heard of them, they were in some place where giants eat people.

As for everyone else, who cares!

**The Fucking Mothering End!**

* * *

**A/N: It's finally finished! Even though I lost interest in this fic I didn't feel like leaving it incomplete like two of my other stories I wrote. At this moment, I now have two complete fics! (Even though I considered this a shitty ending). **


End file.
